Tuesday, January 15, 2013

The Bachelor: It's gettin' diverse up in here.

Week 2! I'm excited to get this party started this week. A couple things I'd like to touch on before the episode begins:
1. I hope there's some good, entertaining drama this week. I could use a good laugh.
2. Apparently Bachelor Sean has jungle fever. I noticed there was a lil' more pepper than usual on this season, but then I was told his last girlfriend was black. So yeah... jungle fever (which is much better to have than Beiber fever. Just so you know).

Ok, previews have begun. Tierra is a sassy lil' thing. Her dark side is coming out... quickly. She's like when Pepper Parker got the alien stuff 

8:02 PM- doesn't look like Sean tries too hard during his workouts. 

Again, Chris says Sean is the most sincere Bachelor they've had on the show. I mean... I guess. I don't pay attention well enough to really know.

8:03 PM- FIRST DATE CARD! Let's get this party started!

Sarah gets the first one-on-one date. Nobody saw that coming.

I still need to try my experiment to see if I can go the entire day using just one arm. 

8:05 PM- Why are these girls surprised Sean has come in a helicopter? Limo and helicopter are the only means of transportation on this show. 

Haha, they're all standing outside as the helicopter takes off... and the wind is blowing in their faces. But no one thinks to just go inside.

8:07 PM- Sarah still seems kind of... dull to me. Let's see what happens on this one-on-one date, see if she wakes up a bit.

[Commercial break] Kinda nice having commercials this week. Last week we were able to skip right on through the commercials. This week I actually have time to type.

Does anyone I know watch Castle? It doesn't seem like a bad show and apparently some folks are watching. 

8:10 PM- We're back and we are back with Sean and Sarah in tha choppa'. 

They're on top of a taaaaall building. It's cool being high and seeing above things but... not gonna lie, I get weak in the knees looking over buildings like that. Atop the Empire State Building a couple years ago, I may have looked cool, calm, and collected... but when I looked over the edge and the wind hit me... I screamed like a lil' girl on the inside.

8:12 PM- Ok, so they're doing this free fall thing from the top of this building. Uh... we've already done this. Way to be creative, Sean/people planning the dates! 

Also, I dunno... when I barely know someone, I usually don't trust them enough to just jump off of a building. Maybe that's just me.

8:14 PM- That free fall didn't really look as bad as I expected. Of course I'm saying that here on my couch.

Dang, we're already at our next commercial break. That felt quick. 
This is kind of weird - while watching this show, I barely talk. Like... at all. It's so quiet. But I don't have time to talk if I want to get my immediate thoughts down.

[Commercial break]

Ok, seriously - ladies, how often do you think about your toilet paper? Thanks to this commercial, now I actually sort of kinda wanna know. Is it just a female thing? Because I never think about my TP until I'm buying it, or taking the browns to the super bowl. And really, I just need it to be 2-ply, cuz that 1 ply stuff is just ridiculous. Might as well use notebook paper. 

8:19 PM- We're back and it's night time!

Story time from Sarah. Oh, and it starts out in Vegas. Doesn't she know what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas? She's going to get reprimanded for that. 

Anyway, in case you forgot her story, she couldn't zip line because she had one arm. Blah, blah, blah... it was kind of boring (and predictable). I hope I didn't sound too mean just now. This just bores me. What are the girls doing back at the house? That's what I wanna know.

8:22 PM- Ask and ye shall receive! We're back at the mansion with the next date card! Group date: Kristy, Amanda, Brooke, Lesley M, Daniella, Catherine, Robyn, Katie, Selma, Dianna, Taryn, Kacie and.... Tierra. Hahaha, when her name was said, there was a collective groan-like noise. 

Ugh, back to the date. 

I actually have nothing to say during this date...

"Sarah, will you accept this rose?" - Sean's still practicing. All that tutorial work from Arie has helped.

8:25 PM- They're making out on the helicopter landing pad.  25 minutes into Week 2 and Sarah feels like she's falling in love with Sean. That didn't take long. 

[Commercial breeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeak]

Did you know I use to want to be a commercial writer/editor? Did some in college and felt I was pretty good at it but really didn't know how to... get into that. So if you find out, let me know!

REDRUM - new murder show (retelling the murder backwards = REDRUM) on that Investigatory channel (speaking to the DirecTV folks now). That tickled my fancy a lil' bit, might have to watch. 

8:29 PM- Ahhh yeeeeeaaahhhh! It's group date time, baby! They just pulled up to a really, really, really off white mansion.

Ugh, Selma just said a bunch of stuff that made me shake my head. Wish I could've typed it all but then I would've just shook my head more.

8:31 PM- Taryn sees the lights and flashes and immediately thinks photo shoot... and guess what... it's a photo shoot!

On this date they're posing for those smut books.

Haha, Katie is funny.

8:33 PM- Tierra already scheming. And hating on Kristy's extensions. Ha, and now Robyn is gossipin'/hating on Tierra with the make-up girl. And of COURSE Sean is falling for Tierra's 2-faced act. But, speaking for the males, it's pretty easy to fall for it, haha.

8:35 PM- Pant suit-Lesley was lookin' good during her photo shoot. Ha... and she got to kiss him and BOOM! Those stares were like nails shooting out of a nail gun.

Model girl with all the teeth (Kristy)... she's very confident about all this, as she should be. But man... you remember on the Bachelorette when ostrich guy was on the group date and had to shoot with the bow and arrow? Yeah, I hope that doesn't happen to Kristy (but I kinda do hope that).

Look at them laughing at him... hahaha, I laughed too.

Oh snap... ok, Kristy brought the heat. Yeah, she's a pro haha. She won and got that cover. Baller.

8:39 PM- Sean tells the ladies it's time for a pool party. Nice.

[Commercial break]

8:43 PM- We're back and it's pool party time... except no one is in bathing suits. Was I wrong for thinking I would see people in the pool?

Lil' one-on-one time between Lesley M and Sean. The could've picked a better lit place cuz um, we can barely see their faces.

I think Lesley is looking for Sean's face in the dark... 

Seriously, can we turn on some lights, please? They literally can't see each other.

Sean wants to kiss Lesley M. I'm pretty sure Lesley M wants him to kiss her but she's making it awkward which is making it entertaining. 

8:46 PM- Ha, after consulting with the viewing audience through her confessional, Lesley M. decides she's going to kiss Sean. She goes in and... Asha agreed, she didn't really look like a good kisser. She should practice on her hand, that's what the pros do.

Oh, ok her second kiss was better. 

8:47 PM- Kacie B has a lot of short dresses. Just sayin'.

Kacie and Sean talking... blah, blah, blah... I just want Sean to ask her if she thinks he's cooler than Ben. That's all we really want to know.

[Commercial breakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk]

8:54 PM- One-on-one time with Catherine. She's one of my early favorites... didn't realize she was vegan though. 

Selma loves the way Sean says, "my wife." She just seems kind of... fake.

8:55 PM- Daniella is now talking about Tierra (big surprise there). But she was being... Tierra.

One-on-one time with Tierra now. Let's see how well she plays all this up. 

Sean thinks in 5 seconds he knew everything about Tierra's personality. Oh, Sean... you're reminding me of Ben.


Whoa, Jackie was just talking and I totally didn't recognize her. She was all jacked and hopeful to get that next one-on-one date... and it goes to Desiree. Ha!

Ah man, back to the group date - Katie is very uncomfortable with this whole... Bachelor situation. Can't say I blame her. Ha, and Kacie is sooooo sad she's not feeling it (that was super sarcastic). She flipped the script on Sean though and just broke up with him. Baller.

Glad no one is bad-mouthing her, but I'm sure they're all super excited she left. I would be... I play to WIN!

9:01 PM- Sean is addressing the ladies... and he's about to give out the rose. And it goes to...

Hahahaha, Kacie got it. Yeeeeaaaah, the ladies didn't like that. I don't know how I feel about her being back on the show. I mean, I think she just wants to be on TV. But yeah, is it fair she's back on the show? I dunno... 

I think Tierra literally hates the fact that Kacie got the rose. Like... for real hate. I thought she was gonna explode.

[Commercial break]

Ooo, Asha's making lunch for tomorrow... I wonder if I can convince her to make me one... 

Ha, she reluctantly said yes! 

9:07 PM- We're back and it's time for the next one-on-one date with Desiree. 

He's going to play a prank on Desiree. Let's see if it'll actually be funny.

Haha, Sean is talking about last season when he played a lil' trick on Emily on his hometown date. My office mate, Alyson, did NOT like his lil' joke, haha. This makes me laugh.

They're setting all this up... I hope there are some good reactions because this doesn't feel like it's going to be all that funny.

9:09 PM- Text from my friend, C.J. He also saw App basketball wins again! Now I have to plan a trip up to Boone to catch a game.

9:10 PM- Art gallery time. 

Ok, the prank has officially begun. Sean feels bad... Chris is all about this prank, haha. 

I don't think Desiree is really feelin' this art... neither am I though. Even though it's fake.

The "art". I know kids that could do better.
No seriously, just come look at my desk at work!

9:12 PM- And boom goes the dynamite. The art just fell and all Desiree can do is smile. 

Fake artist is making Desiree feel bad. She looks like she's starting to actually get concerned... Yay, Sean comes in to save the day... maybe that was funnier if I were there.

[Commercial break]

Any horror movie fans out there? Does anyone wanna see "Mama"? Honestly, I don't even know if I want to see it. Looks a lot like other movies that have been out.

Does anyone eat at Arby's? I have never, ever craved or even wanted to go to Arby's. Ever. And it's not like I don't like their menu - just never been an Arby's kind of guy.

9:20 PM- Ok, we're back at Sean's place with the... pre-made steak dinner. I WISH Asha and I could come home and there be some already made, juicy, delicious steak waiting for us.

Talking about family now. They both come from happy homes. That's nice.

Moving on... what's going on in the mansion? Take us back to the real entertainment, ABC!!  Don't keep the people waiting!

9:22 PM- We're still at the date, haha. 

Hey, did they eat that steak? Cuz uh... it looked pretty good. 

Sean and "Des" (Sean has decided that's what we're calling her now) talking about love. I haven't been on a first date in quite some time, but do people usually go into the love conversation?

9:25 PM- Sean offers the rose, but I guess this was Desiree's opportunity to get him back for the earlier prank. She left him hanging for a bit with the rose. He definitely should just put it back and said, "snooze, you lose. No rose for you. Don't forget who's the star of this show!"

You don't HAVE to take this rose. I'll totally embarrass you on TV and
send you home. This is MY season!

[Commercial break]

"Gangster Squad" - yeah, I'll go see that one!

9:30 PM- Rose ceremony time!

Do these ladies all do their own hair and make-up while on this show? Legit question.

Wedding dress girl. Haven't seen her in a while. She's got her one-on-one time sort of apologizing for her wedding dress joke. Blame it on the alcohol. 

Everyone knows Sean is "all about family". I think at this point, I could talk mine up enough and he'd give me a rose. Everyone is just feeding you these lines, man! 

9:34 PM- Sean is starting to get overwhelmed with all the ladies. 

Hey, how many times are these girls going to sit around and talk about how they all want time with Sean? I feel like this is the 5th time they've said it.

9:35 PM- Soooo... Amanda is NOT feelin' this. Stone-faced in her yellow dress. Chillin'. She looks... upset(?) almost confused.

Not impressed.
"She looks like an evil step sister from Cinderella with her shoulder pads like that," said Asha. She's funny.

[Commercial break]

Ugh, I just looked down... I need to do some crunches. Sean's got me feelin' flabby. Thanks a lot, Sean!

9:40 PM- We're back and the first thing we see is weirdo Amanda and her swirly shoulder pads.

The ladies are trying to figure out Sean's type. Robyn is ready to bring up the race question. And this is where Sean tell us about his jungle fever.

Sean said he's dated everybody. He loves the ladies in any color. He's like... Captain Planet Bachelor.

Earth, Fire, Wind, Water, HEART!

It's cool that Sean doesn't care about race. We all know the mixed babies are the cutest.

Aww, look at that cute lil' mixed baby! (That's Asha, by the way)

9:44 PM- Selma teaching a lil' Arabic. Thought I had something to say about that... I got nothing.

Ok, we're back with the ladies in the house. And it's finally some one-on-one time with Amanda. Ha, and I guess she was just saving all her energy for this cuz she just perked right up. She literally looks like a different person.

Totally NOT the same woman.
9:46 PM- Time to get ready for this ceremony. Time to place your best on who's going home!  I actually don't have any good guesses. During this time of the show there are so many people not getting camera time, I have no idea if they're making any connection with Sean.

[Commercial break]

I want to go on a Disney Cruise. That just seems like a lot of fun.

9:51 PM- Back on and Chris is speaking to the ladies. I think I have a good idea on who is getting a rose. Anyway, let's see how this goes.

First rose goes to... Ashley. Or is it Ashlee? Whatever.

Lindsay, Robyn, Jackie, Lesley M and Selma - next 5 to get a rose.

Catherine is next (yessssssss), followed by Kristy (and all her teeth), Leslie H (in a... just terrible dress) and Tierra (boooooooooooooooooo).

It's getting tense up in there.

Taryn gets a rose! 
Daniella gets a rose!

We're down to the FINAL rose for Week 2! (insert dramatic pause followed by Chris announcing it's the final rose tonight... in case you didn't know)

The final rose for Week 2 goes to.... WEIRDO AMANDA!

We have to say our goodbyes to Brooke, Diana, Katie

9:59 PM- "Next week on the Bachelor..."

Sweet, more outrageous Tierra moments! I can't wait!

And now, the moment we've all been waiting for...

This week's Power Rankings are split up into categories based upon... well, not really based on a lot, actually. Anyway, here goes.

The "Lock me in for a hometown date!" category:

1. Desiree
2. Catherine

The "Get used to me because I'm going to be around for a while" category:

3. Tierra (if anything, producers will keep this one around. Anyway, I'm thinking she'll manipulate enough to make it pretty far.)
4. Kacie
5. Robyn
6. Lesley M.

These ladies really aren't in any particular order. In fact, I think it's fairly even between them. Lucky for us, I think it's 4 ladies fighting for 1 (maybe 2) spots. I like those odds. This bunch also got a lot of camera time in Week 2 which shows they're at least interesting to the producers and editors. 

The "You remember how Jef with 1 'F' was all of a sudden in the finals? That could be me!" category:

7. Sarah
8. Lindsay
9. Selma
10. Kristy

This is the wildcard bunch. With any one of these ladies, if they play their cards right, I could totally see them making a surprise run like Davidson University did in the 2008 NCAA Tournament led by Stephen Curry. Just stay under the radar a bit and get hot at the right time. By the way, I should add that I'm not that confident in Selma and Kristy here. I thought they were higher than the next category, but I didn't feel like giving them their own category. 

The "I just want to at least make it to the traveling portion of this show" category:

T9. You know what, I'm dropping Selma and Kristy here. 
11. Taryn
12. Leslie
13. Daniella
14. Amanda

Did you see that power move I made? Had to drop Selma and Kristy down. Just not feeling it with them. Let's put it this way, if they make it this far, then I can see them hanging around for a bit. As for these other ladies, I hope someone in this bunch gets to use her passport at least once. Unless they can go on a run and make their presence felt (both in the house and with Sean), they might be outta here by week 4.

There you have it. We've reached Week 2 and it looks like the ladies are starting to sharpen their claws a bit and show us who's Queen B. (That was corny, I can do better) I think the entertainment is going to start picking up so bring on the drama! See ya next week.

Jesus, that was long.

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