Sunday, January 6, 2013


(FYI, you're supposed to sing the title of this blog like Beyonce... in case you didn't catch that.)

So it's that time again. The Bachelor has returned to millions of living rooms across the country which means I'm back on the weekly blog!

This season, however, there is one HUGE problem with it. Nope, it has nothing to do with the Bachelor, Bachelorettes, locations, one-on-one dates... none of that.

Some IDIOT in programming decided to premiere this at the SAME TIME as the BCS National Championship game that features not one, but TWO traditional, old school, "we got history" powerhouse programs!! Nobody thought this was a bad idea? Do any football fans work there? Do any men work there?

Well, with that said, you can probably guess which one I'll be watching. But fear not, the Bachelor will record. But I can't just leave ya hangin' for a week sooooooooo...



That's right - I've gone through the 25 listed girls (info taken from the Cheat Sheet on and did my own Eye Test. I read the small bios, analyzed their Q and A, and obviously looked at their pictures to see how attractive they are (and we've got an attractive bunch!). 

A little explaining - I broke the ladies up into 5 groups of 5 girls. Some of the criteria for ranking included:
  1. Looks
  2. Answers to their question posted
  3. Pets
  4. Location
  5. Looks
These are also grouped in alphabetical order because... well because they were listed that way on the site. Anyway, I think I will change the power rankings as the season progresses.

Ok, without further ado...

Group 1

  1. Amanda: She's pretty, seems to be low maintenance according to her little scroll thing, and her wanted superpower is Teleportation. Kind of weak, but makes traveling much, much easier.

     2. Ashley P.: Also pretty. She got bumped to the #2 spot though because she has a cat and I'm not a cat    
         person (allergies). She's from Michigan and in 2007, App beat them in what turned out to be the greatest  
         upset in college football history... and I was there. (Watch this if you feel like reminiscing with me.)

     3. Brooke: She actually gives me the feeling she's kind of boring. But she's the #3 spot mainly because her 
          name isn't Ashley.

      4. Ashley H.: She's from NC, so there's the brownie points. That's... all I got.

     5. Ashlee: I put her in the last spot because she spells her name wrong. She also isn't a college graduate 
          which is probably why she spells her name wrong. (Juuuuuuust kidding)

Group 2

     1. Catherine: She's easily the cutest in this group, so that was easy. Plus, she's a graphic designer and I 
          happen to be pretty fond of them.

     2. Daniella: I put her here because I think I'd be interested in her job, however, her most embarrassing 
          moment is falling in front of a crush... in high school. I like a girl that isn't looking stupid all the time, but 
          she should do some more embarrassing things.

     3. Desiree: This was literally a coin flip between her and Jackie. She was heads and won.

     4. Jackie: She was tails. She also looks fake... like, made of plastic. In fact, she looks a lot like this...

     5. Diana: Jackie was totally going to be in the last spot until Diana went and earned it. She is 31 years old 
          and a mother of 2 so I'm assuming she's an adult. However, "If you could be someone else for just one 
          day, who would it be and why?" She picked Taylor Swift. Really? Her reason - "I can't sing and I would 
          love to know what it feels like to be extremely talented." Maybe it's just me but if I have to make a 
          quick list of the most talented people... Taylor Swift just ain't near the top. (Don't get me wrong, I don't 
          hate Taylor Swift and she is talented. I just don't think a grown woman would want to be her. SO many 
          other choices she could've picked.)

Group 3

     1. Katie: Obviously she will now be known as 'Felicity'. She is also the prettiest in this group.

     2. Kelly: She looks like a southern bell and she's a cruise ship entertainer. So if anything, she could go to 
          Bojangles' with me and possibly give me a free cruise.

     3. Lacey: She's from Cali and she has a dog. That's all I got.

     4. Keriann: Yeah... I have even less for her...

     5. Kristy: She is just over-smiling in her picture. Great teeth (I can almost see ALL of them), but she just 
          seems to be smiling too hard. You can't be THAT happy to be on The Bachelor.

Group 4

     1. Lindsay: She's from NC and I remember seeing her in the Observer online.

     2. Lauren: She's a journalist which is a cool occupation in my book. I should've knocked her down for this 
          cuz according to her little slider thing, she's super messy AND she has TWO cats. My eyes are itching 
          just looking at her profile.

     3. Paige: Her embarrassing moment made me embarrassed for her. You know who's NOT your friend, 
          Paige? That girl that basically made you pee on yourself. She is a Jumbotron Operator though. That 
          seems cool.

     4. Lesley: I don't know why, but when I first looked at her picture, I said to myself, "you kinda look like 
          you have a deep voice." Why would I think that? I don't know. Also, her romantic present was a bunch 
          of notes for her last boyfriend. That kind of raised a red flag for me. When I read that, I didn't think 
          "aww, that's romantic." I thought, "dang, you waste a lot of paper." Her last boyfriend probably thought 
          that too because he ain't around anymore.

     5. Leslie: She's a poker dealer down in Florida which I thought was kind of cool. But I want you to take a 
          sec and read her answer to "If you could be someone else for just one day, who would it be and why?" 
          Go ahead... I'll wait.
          You finished? Ok good. I think she tried to say a meaningful-ish answer, but I think it backfired. If I
          were in the interview room, I would've given her a very confused look. She said she wanted to be
          homeless. (This is much worse than the Taylor Swift pick) I would like Leslie to go up to a homeless
          person and ask them why they wanted to be homeless. Why did they wanted to go through their
          HOMELESS! YEAH, HAVE FUN WITH THAT ONE, LESLIE! (I accidentally left the capslock on. Sorry for

Group 5

     1. Taryn: She's from Oregon. I like the University of Oregon's football team. Also, I think I know how to 
          pronounce her name, but I'm not 100% confident.

     2. Tierra: She looks like she has nice hair.

     3. Robyn: Now... her most outrageous thing ever was that she went on a stake out to stalk her friend's 
          ex-boyfriend. I almost put her straight to the bottom for that because how do we know she wasn't 
          REALLY by herself and actually stalking her own ex-boyfriend? We all know stalkers usually work alone.  
          I put her in the middle though because if her story is true, only a real friend would actually stake out 
          and help you stalk someone. #Loyalty #ButStillCrazy

     4. Selma: She seems nice.

     5. Sarah: My biggest problem with Sarah is that she seems too attached to her dog. "Leo's not just a pet, 
          he's my son! He even comes to work with me everyday." Ok, two things:
    1. Nope. He's your pet. You obviously don't have any children (and maybe never even worked with children) because you just wouldn't say that. I love Apollo... a whole lot... but he is not my son.
    2. Your job seems pretty cool if they let you bring your dog every day... unless you work at home, then that doesn't count. But man, I'd love to bring Apollo to work with me for a day... I think.

Ok, there you have it. The PRESEASON POWER RANKINGS. Like I said, These will most likely be adjusted as the season goes along. If you have any thoughts, comments, rants - whatever - and disagree with my rankings, please share with me. I actually sorta kinda enjoy talking about this crazy show. (Dang it, just lost my Man Card AGAIN. I just got it back thanks to football season.) 

Hope you enjoyed and don't worry, at some point I'll catch up and watch the first episode, but football comes first. I have to try and get my Man Card back.


  1. I LOVE your rankings and the fact that you added a little bit of your sports knowledge manhood to the show. I was interested to see how you were going to handle analyzing 25 girls instead of 25 guys this time. You made it your own and I applaud you for that and cannot wait how the rankings change.

    Now, on that note... I DON'T CARE if football is on the night the bachelor premiers. Bachelor night is Asha's tv night. I thought she was supposed to have ALL remote access on those nights. So clearly, your game is the one that should be recorded and watched at a later time. Not the bachelor. I'm on team Asha on this one! Wife's tv night should remain wife's tv night!

    1. You're funny.

      1. SWEET! You were able to leave a comment! This makes me excited.
      2. You can't effectively watch sports recorded. You just... can't. At least I can't. However, AFTER January 7, Monday night is Asha's TV night.