Tuesday, July 10, 2012

The Bachelorette: Wanna go to my fantasy suite?

So I believe this week we get the invites for the "slumber party" with Emily. I talked about this with the ladies at work - women just can't look very well on this show. On the Bachelorette, if Emily invites every guy for a sleep over, she now looks a bit... scandalous. On the Bachelor, a woman is labeled as "scandalous" if she's kissin' up on the Bachelor to win some points.

Unfortunately, it's entertaining. And it gives me something to blog about.

I have plenty more to say on this and our culture's views on entertainment - but that's for another blog. Let's get to the show...
(P.S. - sorry, that wasn't my usual light-hearted intro. That's my bad.)

Oh yeah, I was supposed to talk about stuff a couple of you have mentioned about the show... and the reports of the winner already announced and spotted in Charlotte and whatnot. ABC has to be the worst at keeping that kind of info under wraps. I won't share who has been named the winner, but he's got to be smarter than that. My surprise has been ruined.

8:00 PM- SHOWTIME! Just so you know, I was watching 'BBQ Pit Masters' right before this and it made me hungry... even though I just ate. But my goodness those folks can cook some meat. They've given me lots of tips on my own BBQ, but I"m no where NEAR their level of expertise. I need a slow cooker. Anyone want to get me a slower cooker for Christmas? I'll be your best friend.

Maaaaaaaaaan, Asha just dropped a bomb on me. She told me the finale is 3 hours long. 3 HOURS?!? I don't know if I'm ready for that. I mean... I have to get mentally prepared for 3 hours... That's the length of an NFL football game on TV. Except, they won't be playing any football. They're going to be on helicopter rides and walking on beaches. Sad face.

You remember when people used to be very, very hesitant about saying the "L" word (love)? Seem to throw it around all willy nilly now.

8:02 PM- Man... this place looks niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice. Ricki is missin' out on Curacao being stuck in Charlotte.

Flashback: Sean's first time meeting Emily. Seems like so long ago. We got to watch their love blossom over the weeks. I wonder if she gets to go back and watch some footage because I don't know how much I would remember after "dating" like 20 ladies. I can barely remember what I wore yesterday.

8:04 PM- I want a milkshake.

This sucks. Didn't we already go through this whole flashback stuff with each guy last week? This bores me. I should go make my milkshake now...

8:06 PM - ...making my milkshake...

8:14 PM- Back from commercial AND back with my cake batter milkshake. Yessir.

Ok, first date with Sean rockin' the deep v-neck t-shirt. Still not sure how I feel about those. Anyway, time for a helicopter ride. The helicopter is taking off from what seems to be the rockiest beach on the entire island which means he had to land on the rockiest beach on the entire island. I'm sure the pilot liked that.

8:16 PM- Wow... they're going to a private island. It'd be awesome if Asha took me to a private island.

Whoa, whoa... I wasn't paying attention. They're all of a sudden talking about one of his ex girlfriends? I bet that ex-girlfriend Sean was talking about is feeling all kinds of uncomfortable if she's watching. She's the girl that made him this way dating girls. Seems like ladies often times want to change men. Usually seems to backfire.

8:20 PM- So, Emily wants Sean to finally say, "I love you." I don't know how I feel about that.
1. I probably wouldn't propose to Asha if she never told me she loved me. However...
2. I didn't expect her to say it after a couple of weeks of actual dating.
3. I bet Mr. Ostrich is MAAAAD that this guy is still around even though he told her he loved her. HE TOLD HER HE LOVED HER... I MEAN, I DON'T UNDERSTAND... (that was me acting as Mr. Ostrich)

So, yeah, part of me hopes Sean doesn't say it until he's ready, but I'm sure he's going to say it by the end of this date. But I do understand Emily wanting/needing to hear that before picking a fiance.

Commercial break...

8:26 PM- We're back. Night time walk on the beach looks nice. Sean rocking another deep v-neck shirt. I guess when you have all them muscles, you can wear what you want.

8:27 PM- Emily just called Sean the "Perfect Man". Maybe she didn't notice the deep v-necks... (I'm just not a fan)

8:28 PM- Can we do something about these crickets?! The mics are picking up the chirping too well. It's distracting me. I'm missing this letter he wrote to Ricki. Good move writing it to her instead of to Emily like everyone else did. Think Ricki will ever read it if Sean doesn't win?

8:30 PM- I wish I could go back in time and talk to 2006 Jeremy. I want to know if I would've said these things about Asha after a month or 2 of dating. I'm not the type to get too lovey-dovey, but sometimes I surprise myself.

8:32 PM- My man, Sean got the invite to the fantasy suite! One day, I really want someone to say, "No, it wouldn't be right. It's better I go back to my room." I'd like to see the reactions.

Dang... that fantasy suite is a nice house.

Oh snap... Emily won't be gettin' it on while on national TV. Sending him back to his own room! I'm proud of her.

"Yay, she's not a ho bag :-)" <-- that's a text I just received from a friend also watching the show. That made me laugh.

Commercial break...

How come nobody told me about this new Bachelor Pad where the super fans are on it? That could've been me, man! Y'all just don't want me to see me on TV... I see how it is.

8:40 PM- We're back and it's time to spend the day with Jef. Kind of funny, I always say is name quickly since it's missing a letter. I feel the need to cut it off.

8:42 PM- Last week, everyone reminded me Jef was Mormon (I forgot) and now I can't stop reminding myself he's Mormon. With that said, of all the religions in this world, I think I know the least about Mormons and Scientology. What exactly do Mormons believe and do? Someone please tell me because I don't feel like googling it.

8:44 PM- Man... Jef was pretty good at the paddleboarding stuff. This guy is just full of surprises.

Commercial break...

8:50 PM- We're back and it's dinner time. I can't say I'm a huge fan of Emily's dress. Anyway, let's get this dinner conversation going...

Oh... Jef is gonna get the ball rolling and it seems like he's going to ask questions I've asked about them:
"Where would we live?" - So she plans to go to him. Didn't think she'd move Ricki across the country, but hey, guess I was wrong.

"Why are you still single?" - Ok, he asked why hasn't it worked out, but still - Emily can't quite describe the "it" factor that the men she's dated don't seem to have. For Jef, he hasn't been able to see the end goal up until Emily. I think his other dates weren't on a show where the goal is to win.

"Do you think I (Jef) am a good fit for Ricki?" - Emily's thought about it... so far no definite answer. So she pictured making a sammich for Ricki and saw Jef there. I'm guessing Jef is just on the couch chillin' watching cartoons.
She didn't answer the question. Think he's a good fit for Ricki? Yeah, he's fun and cool or no, he's not ready.

8:56 PM- now Jef is doing what I've wanted someone to do. But... it doesn't have the same shock value since the first round went the way it did.

Ha, she didn't get to turn him down.

8:58 PM- I like this fantasy suite better! It doesn't look like just a nice house. Looks like... somewhere else.

Man, I am so close to going on a huge rant about all of the noise from these crickets. It's like no one else hears this. It's like I'm taking crazy pills! It's bugging the crap outta me.

Commercial break...

9:05 PM- We're back. She made Arie run cuz he was walking too slow. From his little trot, he doesn't seem like the athletic type.

Have you ever swam/done anything with Dolphins? It's AWESOME! They're pretty cool animals.

9:08 PM- Now Arie and Emily are reminiscing about their times together. Somewhat interesting to hear his favorite moments since he's been the front runner for most of the season. Oh, and of course his favorite moments involve kissing.

Hey, shout out to Veronica (follow her on twitter: @VeronicaHump, she's funny) - I talked about Arie's overwhelming tonsil hockey with Emily. Veronica saw it differently which is apparently how Emily sees it too because she loves lockin' lips with Arie.

Commercial break...

9:14 PM- Dinner time. It looks like they have a fancy dinner, but we won't know anything about how it tasted because we never see them even try the food.

We're talking about regular Arie now. He does seem... regular, haha.

Hahahahaha, Asha just told us a funny story but I won't share them because it won't be nearly as funny if I typed it out.

9:17 PM- Anyway, it seems as if Emily is more than ready to move away from Charlotte. I understand wanting the fresh start, but for Ricki's sake, I hope whoever she picks it lasts if she moves to wherever he is.

9:19 PM- Arie thinks he needs to be Ricki's buddy before being her dad. I get what he's saying, but I don't think parents need to be kids' "buddies". A bit different when you're stepping into a kid's life, but if he wins, I hope he understands he's there to eventually be a father and not a big brother.

Haha, Emily didn't trust herself. Didn't even give Arie the date card. He must make her horny. Hey, can't blame her though.

Commercial break...

9:28 PM- it's about to get real up in this piece.

Does she have some "that's not your real hair" in? aka weave. Just seems... cut very straight along the end of her ponytail. (Ponytail... people still say that? Is that still a term used? I feel lame)

9:30 PM- I must admit, Emily seems to actually think about and care about her decisions for the rose ceremonies. She's becoming very emotional.

I feel like my blog is really missing Mr. Ostrich and Ryan. They provided much more entertainment. I hope they bring the drama on the reunion.

Commercial break...

9:38 PM- We're back and opening up to a teary-eyed Emily. Now she's watching the video messages from the guys. I don't think I'd be good at this. I've done a couple of video messages to Asha and I just felt stupid, haha.

Ya know... I think I'm going to get Jef to write my message for Asha next February 14...

9:42 PM- Emily is so emotional right now watching these video messages... except... at times she actually looked angry trying to hold her tears back.

By the way, I'm glad there's a casual dress code for the rose ceremony. Seems like it might be too hot to throw on the suit.

9:43 PM- I wonder how long these guys had to wait outside for Emily. The editing made it look like it was a long time.

Dang it, now they're making me wait... commercial break...

I just remembered I'm missing the Home Run Derby right now. Not that I really wanted to watch it, but watching it allows me to hold my man-card for at least a little while.

9:48 PM- We're back and it's intense!

Oh yeah, Asha and I noticed Chris (host) isn't wearing his ring. Funny he got a divorce...

Whoa... did Emily's boobs get bigger?

Moment of truth... First rose goes to............................................................................................................................................................such anticipation...............................................................................................................................................................................................................killin' me.........................................................................................................................................................................seriously, c'mon.........................................................................................................................................Jef!!!! I'm a lil' surprised he got the first rose.

Finally... last rose goes to..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ugh..................................................................................................Arie!

Whoa... Sean looked the Hulk was about to emerge. I think everyone is scared right now. As they should be. See, now Sean is gonna go back and be like, "SEE! THIS IS WHY I DON'T TELL GIRLS I LOVE THEM OR FALL IN LOVE WITH THEM BECAUSE THE JUST CRUSH MY HEART LIKE IT'S A LITTLE BUG!!"

Poor guy.

Uh oh, Emily broke down and started crying. Sean's holding back his tears as well.

Haha, there are some funny noises happening in the background. Dogs barking, the ever present crickets and bugs, and some sort of... beeping-like noise.

Now for the sad car ride home. Will Sean break down and start crying his eyes out? Nope, he's silent and he looks confused. He finally began speaking and he's hurting. Seems like he already had the future planned out. That's how I felt after every job interview I didn't get back in the day...

Haha, this reunion has potential to be entertaining. They called this the "most emotional season ever." That was the nice way of saying there was a whoooole lot of crying.

Wait a second... next Monday is the reunion... and then the finale is Sunday the 22nd? They're gonna make me work on a Sunday?!?! Maaaaaaaaaaan... y'all suck.

Hahaha... Arie uh... struggled with the video message.

Ok, this episode is finally over. I'm close to being burnt out from this show, but I can see the finish line. I've started this, so I must finish this. Anyway, it's been fun blogging this season of the Bachelorette and sharing some thoughts with you guys. Anyone have any suggestions for what show to watch next? Please let me know!

Who will win the final rose?
What kind of rings will they pick out to propose with?
How will the guys be in front of Emily's family?
Will this reunion be totally lame or deliciously awesome???
Will Mr. Ostrich have a bit of a breakdown at the reunion?!?!
Over/Under 2.5 guys crying at some point during the reunion?
Will Ricki ever get to read/see that letter from Sean?!?!?

We've got a lot to look forward to! See ya next week!

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