Sunday, July 7, 2013

The Bachelorette: Uhh... literally all about James.

Well... we're back for another 2 hours of The Bachelorette. I'm gonna go ahead and throw this out there - I'm not guaranteeing I'm going to finish this season... or even this episode. I made a commitment but... maaaan... this is hard!

Enough whining though, let's start the show.

8:00 PM - Ohh yeah... they're in Barcelona this week. Oh.. and apparently James is not here for the RIGHT REASONS.

Looks like a lot of cat fighting tonight...

Ok, we finally start the show and man... Barcelona looks nice. Looks WAY better than Germany.

Speaking of... kinda... I like Spanish people, haha. Everyone loves their culture but, I tend to get along with them very well.

Oh... and I bet Juan Pablo is loving this week being in Spain. He's in his natural habitat.

8:03 PM - First Chris Harrison showing. Blah, blah, blah and oh snap! He announces there won't be a cocktail party!

First 1-on-1 date is with Hilfiger aka Drew. He seems like a nice guy. Good looking. But honestly, I wouldn't be TOTALLY surprised if at the end he reveals he's been 'Catfishing' us and he's actually gay. He's very... well kept. Lots of metro-sexual tendencies going on. But honestly, this is like me saying I wouldn't be surprised if I'm gay because I also have metro-sexual tendencies. Let's just move on...

Exhibit A. 
8:09 PM - So Drew just opened up about his dad. He said he's never talked to anyone about that... but it only took 1 date with Dez for him to spit it right on out. I understand you only have a short time to really get to know each other but... I dunno, that just seems like a conversation that maybe could've waited a lil' bit.

Oh yes... Jay-Z album coming out! This commercial is the best and most entertaining thing that's happened so far.

8:13 PM - We're back and oh look, ANOTHER private concert! ...oh wait, just some guys playing in an alley, never mind.

Haha... they were dancing like... like... white people, haha.

Uh.. so suddenly Drew is now leading this date. Haha.. and the camera man had a lil' trouble getting the camera off the tripod. I understand how that goes though, haha.

So... man... all Drew did was go around the corner to make out. Now... that was a great move by him because during this make out session in the dark alley, he basically slid into second base.

Back at the hotel, the group date is revealed and Zak gets that 1-on-1 date. He's clearly happy about it. Anyway, looks like they're going to possibly play some soccer on this group date. Everyone cheers and they actually all sound like the spanish announcers during soccer matches when someone scores and they yell, "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OH-OH-OH-OH-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!!!

8:18 PM - Back on the 1-on-1 date. I'm not sure about this strategy, but Drew just got the rose and then drops the bomb on Dez about James. Way to kill the vibe, bro. However, I don't know when else he would've done it. Whatevs. He made Dez cuss so I guess that was entertaining.


8:24 PM - We're back and Drew is letting Kasey and... what's his face... letting them know about how the convo went about James.

Anyway, on to the group date. Dez is wearing a bright green pull-over. Like... that thing is bright, son. Anyway, they're in the big soccer stadium.

Oh snap... Juan Pablo is about to MURDER these dudes on the soccer field. Home boy played professionally... yeah, they have no chance.

Juan Pablo is so romantic, even his sweat is heart-shaped. 

Oh, ok Dez went to get some pros... females. Man, I'd be scurred to go against them.

Half these girls kiiiiiiinda look like dudes. 

Oh, the guys got off to a good start. These girls have to be like... not playing hard.

...Haha, ok, they're spankin' that booty now. Oh, and first mistake... they put James in goal. Soccer clearly isn't his thing, but he doesn't even want to get a hair out of place. He's not even trying, haha.

Worst goalie ever award goes to Bachelor James. But mainly because he didn't try... cuz those girls were going to score on him anyway.

8:30 PM - Ha... the guys lose 10-2. #losers


8:30 PM - Now everyone is at Dez's spot. Looks nice.

I'm now tired of these dudes talking about James. It just gets so old, so fast. And honestly, if they get rid of James, THEN who are they going to talk about?!?!

Chris and Dez alone time. I... don't feel like watching them flirt. Oh, and Dez wrote him a poem. That's a good sign for him but... I didn't want to hear it, haha.

8:39 PM - Ok, so Kasey and others decide it's time to confront James about this apparent conversation he had. Haha, Kasey seems pretty nervous about telling James this. He won't look up. But James does look like the kind of guy who might just... flip out. Then he'd be like some wild, un-caged gorilla or something. It'll be hard to bring him back down without the tranquilizer.


8:44 PM - We're back and ha... ok, swerve...

I think you all should know that every time I ask Asha, "what's his name?" her response has been, "gay."

Just thought you should know.

Ok, back to the cat fight. It seems pretty clear James is at least uh... blurring the lines a bit. He quickly changed the subject and is suddenly just arguing with that guy that hated Ben.

Haha, James argues like... a college white girl. He's looking up in the air talking.

Talk to the hand, Michael. Cuz the ears don't wanna hear it! *snap*

This has become a bit comical.

Hahahaha... I need the unedited version of this argument because I HOPE James just referenced Michael masturbating while the cameras were off.

And he didn't deny it.


8:49 PM - I needed that laugh. Anyway, now Kasey has told Dez about James. This is like the same exact thing that happened with Tierra. Everyone just running to Dez talking about James the same way the ladies did with Sean and Tierra. And I mean... they have pretty valid reasoning but it's just... funny.

Anyway, Dez just said ain't givin' out a rose to NOBODY! And now it's time to confront James!

Nope, it's actually time for commercial...


8:55 PM - Ok, NOW it's time to confront James. It feels like he's lying... he just swore on his dad... I never quite understood why people felt the need to say stuff like that.

James has started the waterworks. Hard to tell if Dez is buyin it or not. She had a straight face and...

oh wait, now she's crying.

Too many tears right now. Dez seems to trust all of these dudes. Girl, you can't just go trusting EVERYBODY all willy nilly.

9:00 PM - Ok, Dez had to take a moment to gather her thoughts (I guess). Only to come back to say she's going to sleep on it, haha. This has played out like some high school break up. But with one of those on-again, off-again couples we all knew/know.

Back at the hotel with the guys... haha, Juan Pablo missed EVERYTHING.

That guy Michael (ya know, I don't even know if that's actually his name), anyway, he is just... too much. He likes to lead the conversation a lot.

Hahaha, James just walked in on everyone circled around talking about him. I'm laughing too much at this. He walks in, everyone does the awkward looks and he says,

"Gentlemen... " pause...

And that was it. It was all so dramatic. That made me laugh.


9:07 PM - Back on. Time for Zak's 1-on-1 date. He's just... something about him is just kinda... fake-ish. He looks way too tan/has on way too much make up.

Anyway, they're doing some drawing on the first portion of this date. I have to say, both of their drawings were pretty good.

Then they decide to draw each other and man... his artwork suddenly looks like a 6 year old drew it.

Ok, so this is what I was expecting - the nude male model just came in. Zak's face is hilarious but... I'm sure I'd be making the same faces. That model is all in different positions... how long were they there?

Haha... his face... He's CLEARLY telling himself, "don't look at it, don't look at it..."
Oh lord... Zak went and stripped down to his tighty whities and modeled. Important question here:

He wears tighty whities?


9:18 PM - Time for the second half of this date.

This is random, but the music is playing and I wish I could play Spanish guitar. Or... Spanish style? I don't know how to say it, but you know what I mean.

I also want to play some funk.

9:20 PM - They're talking now. Kinda funny, at the beginning of this season, all the guys had some sort of problem/issue from the past. Now they all want their marriage and whatnot to be just like their parents'.


I'm just going to... rest my fingers for a bit.

9:23 PM - Finally, something else. Back at the hotel, James thinks it's time to talk to Drew about what was "heard" and "said".

Drew is much more... stern about talking to James about this.

Haha, James just did something I find annoying - he raises his voice and yells first, which makes Drew raise his voice... and then HE has the nerve to tell Drew to stop yelling.

Ha, totally just left the TV and did something else. So I missed like the last 7 minutes or so. Anyway, I come back and it's time for James to talk 1-on-1 with Dez.

Well, we got a voice over and Dez has said she's sending him home. Now we don't even need to listen to this conversation.

I zoned out again, haha. But anyway, sounds like Dez is wavering. Be strong, Dez.

Look at those suckers watching from the balcony. They know exactly what's happening too.

Ha, James is a good salesman. I'll give him that.

9:37 PM - haha, James definitely put that sweetness on her. Haha, and the other guys saw them hugging. Hahaha.

Ha, and even funnier, James walks in like... everything's cool. You know what I really hope happens - I hope James doesn't get a rose and then becomes the next Bachelor and brings Mikey on the show to help him make some decisions on girls. Only in a perfect world though...

In this shot, Michael looks like he's clinching a marble between his butt cheeks. That's really all I have to say about this.


9:43 PM - Hmmm... James is talking and... I don't know if he's telling the exact truth... Maybe he's saying things that just weren't edited into the episode.

Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan... I'm tired of this Michael guy. He needs to go. He's just annoying. And I'm tired of watching these dudes gang up and argue against James (and Ben before). It's just gotten old. Maybe I'd feel better if I were there... but then again, Juan Pablo, Zak and Brooks don't seem to be too involved with this crap. And I'm pretty sure be that'd be me.

Oh... there was a commercial break. Oops... anyway, it's rose ceremony time. Dez is wavering about James. So weak.

Oh snap, there are only 3 roses to give out. Let's send some suckers home! (By the way, I'm guessing Juan Pablo, Brooks and Chris get a rose.)

Ok, Dez has come out... first rose goes to...

this is a really long pause...

First rose goes to Chris.

Next rose goes to... Brooks. I'm 2 for 2.

Oooo, this is gonna be close.

Of course Chris Harrison has to let everyone know this is now the final rose tonight... just in case we couldn't see it sitting right there.

Final rose goes to... ugh... Michael. Really? REALLY?!!? MICHAEL?!?! I'm done.

I'm done.

Juan Pablo is saying he's sad but, he don't seem too upset. Shed a few fake tears, but he's Juan Pablo... he'll be OK.
There definitely wasn't enough Juan Pablo. But alas, now he can go back to his daughter.

James now blabbering to the camera in the car. All I heard him say was, "how did I become the next Ben?"

I still can't believe she kept Michael. Ugh.

Uh... watching previews... haha, I'm captivated. First of all, a ton of crying from Dez. Secondly, other dudes crying now. Like... all of them. I don't know if I can take all that. And apparently something happens with Drew and with Brooks. ABC is really good at the previews.

Ok, time to watch the first segment of Mistresses, haha. I guess tonight's episode was better than the last. And... I guess I'll be back next week. I can see the finish line. Maybe I can get through this! Anyway, see you guys next week!

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