Monday, July 22, 2013

The Bachelorette: Family, don't ruin this for me!

Welp... Monday evening has made it's way back into the weekly rotation which means the Bachelorette is on.


I want you all to know that I'm missing the MLB Home Run Derby tonight thanks to this show. Now... it's not like I really, really, really wanted to watch it, but it's just another "man moment" I'm not partaking in due to this show. So with that said, just hold on to my Man-Card until NFL training camp begins (Panthers training camp begins July 25, first practice July 26... in case you needed to mark your calendar).

Anyway, without further ado, let's start the show...

8:00 PM - OOHHH YEEEAAHHH, it's hometown week! Let's see who's family ruins it all this year!

This episode's previews are on. 2 things...
1. Zak's family... buncha weirdos.
2. Dez's brother... he just looks dirty. Like... for real, he looks like he needs an actual bath.

Ok, we open up with Zak in his hometown in... Texas (I think). Ya know, every time I see one of these hometown episodes, I always wonder, "what would I do if I had to bring a bachelorette to Charlotte?"

... I just got distracted by Zak's dream he had the previous night. Uh... that was all over the place. He must of been high.

8:05 PM - so... Zak's family does some snow cones. Oh, and now they're going to serve some to... what looks like kindergartners and first graders. And those suckas are all over the snow cone truck too.

Zak is like... going all out on this. He just came running out in a penguin mascot uniform. He is serious about this.

I don't even know what to say about this... 

[commercial break]

8:11 PM - We're back on and it's time to meet Zak's weirdo family. First impression - they at least LOOK normal.

Lots of squeals happening. A whole lotta energy in that house.

Zak just told them about his first time coming out of the limo... and his family actually thought HE was the weird one.

At least they laugh a lot. That's always good.

8:13 PM - Question - is everyone that makes it to the hometown visit rich? Or "upper middle class"? I want to see a hometown visit to someone who doesn't live in a huge house.

Actually, I guess Dez's visit was like that.

Ok, Dez has talked with mom, basically got her blessing. Now it's the sister's turn and... I was expecting more grilling from her. But she just seemed really, really nice. Little disappointing.

8:17 PM - This suddenly got boring.

In other news, it's juuuuuust about time to get the fantasy leagues together. I kinda wanna do a "keeper league" this year. I know most of you don't know what I'm talking about so... whatever.

OHH YES... it's concert time from Zak's family!

They seemed normal... but they also seemed like freaks. 

I'm giggling. They're all like... singing for real! It's always kinda funny when people try really hard doing something and they're really just not that good at it. These guys aren't bad singers, but they're over doing it right now.

Wait... Dez is (pretending)... liking it! Guess she actually listened to the lyrics... unlike me.

8:20 PM - whoa... he just gave her a ring. Funny how when the roles are reversed and the woman kinda jumps the gun on the whole marriage talk... she's crazy. But when a guy/Zak does it... it's sweet.

Anyway, Dez loved it all. From what I've seen, I think he earned a rose, but we'll see what the other guys have planned.

[Commercial break]
Oh yeah, so what would I do if I brought someone to Charlotte? Ya know... I really don't know at the moment. I'd need it to be either football season or just warm outside. Could definitely go to the Whitewater Center. Uptown is pretty cool, I'm sure I could entertain someone up there. Clearly I'm terrible at this and hopefully I won't have to actually entertain someone visiting Charlotte.

8:25 PM - It's Hilfiger's turn! He's from Arizona and... the background looks like a movie set, haha. All kinda looked fake... a liiiiittle bit like him.

Hilfiger's family seems to have complicated names and situations.

8:28 PM - They're visiting his sister first, who is severely handicapped.

Awww, his sister is super excited to see him.

8:31 PM - Dez now meeting the rest of the family. First impression, they too, all look normal.

[Commercial break... let's see if I can sneak in some Home Run Derby time...(yes, I got to watch some!)]

8:35 PM - We're back! Drew does seem pretty... happy right now sitting with everyone. All season he's seemed pretty reserved but he's definitely more open around the family. And now he's sharing his feelings with mom. He sounds like a Hallmark card.

And Dez is talking to Drew's dad now. He also sounds like Hallmark card.

Dang, my man said he's ready to get on 1 knee.

8:40 PM - Hilfiger just got a pep talk from dad. By the way, his dad's name is Malachi. I like that name. It's such a strong Biblical name. I think my first 2 future sons' names are already scheduled, so if there's possibly a 3rd, Malachi may be in the running.

Annnyway... Hilfiger just told Dez he loves her... like 3-4 times. He meant that, haha.

Ya know, these dudes are all pretty confident they're going to be engaged to Dez. Guess you have to be... but yeah, obviously somebody is going to be wrong.

[Commercial break]

8:46 PM - And now we're in Oregon with Chris. It's very, very green there.

Oh, I think I just saw Edward Cullen in the background!

Hey, I kinda like this date, haha. This would be my kinda date cuz I'd TOTALLY want to show off my athletic ability.

And by the way, Dez ain't too shabby on the diamond.

8:50 PM - So Dez is pretty creative and artistic. We saw her draw the nude model with Zak. On this date, she drew some pictures for Chris and uh... they... kiiiiiinda sucked. Little disappointed.

[Commercial break]

8:55 PM - I hope Chris' date picks up. The baseball was cool but now I'm just bored. Entertain me!

Man... it's dark in this house. But we're both too lazy to get up and turn the light on and Apollo isn't smart enough to flip the switch.

I even tried to clap them on... nothin'.

"So would you like to come get adjusted?" - Chris' dad just asked Dez that. Pretty sure someone is going to use that line in the club.

8:57 PM - Dez is getting her back... spine... neck... everything adjusted. That was very... random. But it looks like it felt good.

Wait, did he have this office and stuff... downstairs???

Umm... my man is getting "the nose adjustment" right now as he talks with his dad about Dez. That was all kinds of random. Guess that's a perk of having your dad do... that stuff for a living.

This was just so... weird.

9:00 PM - haha, soooo apparently nobody in Chris' family liked his last girlfriend. Seems like he's really just now figuring it all out.

Chris is talking to his mom. She seems a lil' hesitant to give all of this a raving review.

Oh, ok there's the raving review. She likes her. Everybody likes Dez. Honestly though, she's very likable.

Everyone is back around the table and... it looks like the amount of people multiplied. Definitely didn't meet half of them.

9:05 PM - Ugh... it's only 9:05... 55 minutes left! All they have left to do is 1 more hometown date and the rose ceremony. That doesn't take 55 minutes maaaaaaaaan.

[Commercial break... time to get some ice cream!]

9:09 PM - It's Mr. Turner's tuuuuuuuuuuurn!

Dang... Salt Lake City, Utah is quite scenic! Looks like a postcard out there.

So Brooks actually seems somewhat hesitant about this whole thing. He's actually NOT jumping in head first and declaring his love for her.

Now they're reminiscing about their moments together... aka boooooooooooooriiiiiiiiing.

9:13 PM - Finally moved on to a canoe ride.

I don't know what he was doing but uhh... Brooks just tipped the canoe getting all that water in the dang boat! C'mon, son. Act like you been there!

[Commercial break]

9:19 PM - We open up with this statement from Asha,

"This is boring."

Pretty much sums up the entire season.

Anyway, Brooks makes a grand entrance and... dang song, there's like 50 people in there! (not really, but yeah...)

So many of them, they have on name tags. From what I see though, definitely needed cuz there's no way she's remembering all of their names.

For real, there's like... 20 people there.

9:22 PM - Yeah, this is kinda boring.

Jeez, he has to talk to so many people!

Whoooops. Totally just zoned out. I was actually thinking about flag football. I want to coach flag football this fall... and I also want to play this fall. Anyone want to coach and/or play?

9:27 PM - Dez is finally leaving Brooks' family. That's... all I have to say about that.

[Commercial break]

9:33 PM - Oh, I'm late!

So yeah, Dez is now talking with her dirty brother. I can't believe they're actually related... by blood. For real. I'm shocked.

I wonder why she's even wasting her time telling her brother about everything.

Haha, he said he wants to meet them. She straight up said, "no."

Her brother is so... I don't know what word to use. Let's put it like this - he seems like the kind of person I would try to avoid running into in the hallway cuz he's going to stop and talk to me about stuff I don't care about.

[Commercial break]

9:40 PM - Ok, we're in the home stretch. Time to talk to Chris Harrison!

All they're talking about is how the dudes, other than Brooks, have told Dez they love her. Oh, and Dez has made it clear Brooks and Chris are the top 2. If I'm Zak or Drew and I'm watching this at home... and I didn't win... I think her statements would make me feel some kinda way.

Hahahaha... Dez's brother is lurking in the background just being a creeper and spying on the guys walking in.


[Commercial break]

9:49 PM - Last 11 minutes... let's do this!

Rose Ceremony time. Any guesses on who's going home? I think... I'm thinking either Zak or Hilfiger (Drew) is going home. Not sure which one though. Anyway, let's hand out some roses...

First rose goes to Brooks. She really likes this guy.

Second rose goes to... Chris. Everything going as planned.

Time for the final rose... and a reminder from Chris Harrison in case you weren't paying attention.

Last rose goes to... HILFIGER! By Zak. Man... I know he's hurt. He's fighting back the tears. Guess his folks should've sang a better song.

Dez is trying to talk to Zak and... I don't think she's making any sense right now.

Hha, oh yea, he gave her a ring. See... that's what happens when you jump the gun! Can't just hand out rings all willy nilly!

And now he's all sad in the limo. It's sad to see people "not believe" in love and marriage and all that. I don't have anything else to say about that, just sucks for them. Glad I gots mine!

Man... he looks SAD.

He looks SO sad. I almost feel bad for him until I look down and see him holding that stupid ring. A bit premature there Mr. "Quarter Pump Chump"

Haha, he tossed the ring out the window.

Oh, apparently the men tell all episode is next week. That means Jeremy gets a week off cuuuuuz I'm not blogging that.

Previews for the next episode... so dramatic. Dez is crying a lot... can't wait for that one... (sarcasm)

Ok, episode is (finally) over. I'm excited because I get a week off! Woop! Woop! See you guys in 2 weeks!

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