Sunday, March 3, 2013

The Bachelor: Semifinals

Not gonna lie, folks. I'm running on 'E' with this season. I... actually wish Tierra was still on the show just for entertainment value. I need... something. These 3 girls left just don't have drama, which is great in real life, but for TV... we've become acustomed to people acting ridiculous for our entertainment and right now, I need that!

Anyway, let's get this started.

8:02 PM: The show finally starts and we're in Thailand! Looks nice, there. Wouldn't mind visiting.

Haha, Sean was just chillin' in a hammock. I want a hammock. Hey, my birthday is coming up, folks (March 21) and a hammock would be a FANTASTIC gift! Just throwing it out there.

Sean is currently talking a lot about Catherine. She's been my favorite all season buuuuuuut I'm ready for this sucker to move on.

8:05 PM: They moved on... boring Ashlee. She is seriously FOCUSED on getting married. I am so tired of hearing about her trust issues and abandonment issues. I get it... it's a serious topic, but good LORD do we have to talk about it EVERY TIME SHE'S WITH SEAN?! She doesn't seem to have much fun. Doesn't seem to tell jokes or anything...

And now we've moved on to Lindsay...

8:09 PM: I've officially tuned out.


Oh... commercial break...
[Commercial break]

Ohhh snap, who's excited about the new cast of Dancing With The Stars?!? Not this guy!

8:14 PM: We're back.

Sean and Lindsay have begun their date. They're kissing a lot.

Oh snap! They went and dyed the lil' birds' all kinds of colors!

Poor birds... Looks like they're celebrating Mardi Gras. Or dressed as 'Skittles' for Halloween.
8:17 PM: Ok, white people, I have another question. What's the fascination with making people eat bugs? Now, I know they're currently in Thailand and it's a lil' different over there, but the majority of the time on TV shows, white people must eat bugs.
(Let me go ahead and add this: there are PLENTY of things my black people do that I just don't understand. Some things I do myself and can't really explain why, but there are many things that I don't do. So for real, if you don't know the answer to my racial questions, don't feel bad. "I don't know" it totally an acceptable answer.)

Oh wow, they're eating MORE bugs...

Just eatin' roaches... no big deal.

"This isn't Hakkuna Mattata!" - Asha.

Ooo, and they moved on to the... chicken feet? Oh, and she went nails first!

Well that was... interesting.

This would be the perfect time for some FRUIT NINJAAAAAAAAA!

[Commercial break]

8:27 PM: And we're back. Time for the dinner portion of the date. Ya know... it'd be nice if they some how changed up the schedule.

Lindsay has trouble actually TELLING Sean she loves him. That really isn't a bad thing. You don't have to tell him you love him after 3 months of knowing him. Just saying...

Uh oh... got that fantasy suite caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard! And of course Lindsay said yes.

"She's easy." - Asha. I couldn't agree more. She... uhh, definitely doesn't give off the vibe that she's a virgin. Anyway, she finally said, "I love you" so we all know somebody's getting some action that night!

Ok, got a question for y'all - do you remember the first time your significant other told you they loved you? Or vise versa? Asha and I are trying to remember. So far, not successful.

[Commercial break]

Blah, blah, blah... commercials...

8:40 PM: Annnnd we're back and next up is Ashlee.

Sean enjoys messin' with Ashlee and her issues. Honestly, I would too.

Oh my lord... I should've counted how many times Ashlee said/says "trust" and "abandonment." Those are her 2 favorite words.

Now... really, she doesn't have to be this freaked out about the cave. ABC wouldn't let them swim through some cave with sharks and bats and stuff. With that said, I wouldn't wanna swim through that cave either, haha.

This is how some horror movies start... Obviously, the 1 black dude is dead by this point.

On our honeymoon, Asha and I were in Belize. At the lil' swimming spot we were at, there was a little hiking trail you could take to explore the area a bit. We thought it was a great idea, so we decided to follow the trail. We only get about 10 feet on the trail when a monsterous iguana jumps out of a tree and lands on us! That sucker was out for blood too! (not really) Anyway, that was enough for us to turn around and end that lil' hiking trip right there. So yeah, I'm not making fun of Ashlee with the cave too much.

8:46 PM: I tune out a lot whenever Ashlee talks.

There better be something really nice at the end of this lil' cave adventure.

Psh... there wasn't anything worth swimming through a cave for. Hope they don't have to swim back through to get back for dinner.

[Commercial break]

8:53 PM: Back on. They're drinking some red wine. If you're real friends with me (aka Facebook official), then you may have seen that I had an entire glass of red wine for the first time ever. Yes, it took me a while to finish it, but I did it!

Yes, I finished this last bit. 

Sean said the perfect ending to this day would be to just sit and talk all night with Ashlee.


Ashlee kinda pulled an okie doke on us. Anyway, she's going to the fantasy suite!

I apologize to everyone if this blog tonight is terrible but... this episode is boring. I honestly want to just go to bed now, but that means I'd have to watch the rest of the episode later and that ain't gonna happen. So, for you, and so I don't have to do this more than I need to, I'm gonna power through.

[Commercial break]

9:05 PM: Catherine's turn in Thailand. Let's see if she can bring some energy and entertainment to this episode.


Man, Sean likes to kiss...

9:10 PM: I have nothing to say about this date...

[Commercial break]

9:15 PM: Dinner time with Catherine.

I keep tuning out. Tonight, this show is just not holding my attention tonight. Anyway, the girls were very aware of the fantasy suite on this episode. I think both Catherine and Ashlee brought it up before he even said anything about it. Buncha back seat drivers.

Man, these suites are nice. I want to like... design my bedroom like these places.

Wait... there are people out there that think Catherine is chubby?! Seriously?! That had to have been a lie.

I like how each girl says, "I know we are meant to be" except 2 of y'all are going to be wrong. So, you don't REALLY know, now do you?

[Commercial break]

9:28 PM: Basically, we got 30 more minutes of this. I am MORE than ready for this rose ceremony to come and go.

Weekly meeting with Chris Harrison.

Ooohhh yeeeaaaahhhh, the video messages. Forgot about these.  Man... we have to wait until after commercials to see this... lame.

[Commercial break]

9:37 PM: Time for the video messages. I don't know... Lindsay just... doesn't sound smart. It's hard for me to get over that.

Watching these video messages and remembering how the guys did on the last season with Emily... the ladies are so much better at this than the guys were. Like... WAY better.

9:41 PM: DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG! Ashlee is showin' off the ladies in her dress for the rose ceremony. She said she's got 2 big reasons why Sean should pick her!

Ashlee brought the ladies out!

Who do you think is going home? (I don't know why I ask this in the blog every week. I honestly act like I'm sitting next to you and talking to you.

[Commercial break]

9:48 PM: We are back.

Ok, so right now the way Sean's talking... it sounds like Ashlee is going home.

My guess is that Lindsay will get the first rose... and then Ashlee goes home. Let's see how this goes...

9:50 PM: Sean is telling the ladies how difficult this decision was and how it blind-sided him when he was in that position. What he should've added was that this also increases their chances of being the Bachelorette!

BOOM! Lindsay got the first rose. Now sure what he loves so much about her but... he loves him some Lindsay.

Ok, the moment of truth - the final rose goes to... they're drawing this out...


And that means, Ashlee... time to go back to your trust and abandonment issues.

Man... she is MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD. Oh snap, she didn't even want him to walk her to the car!

She looks like she is going to punch him in the throat right now.

She. Is. NOT. Happy.

Honestly, I think Ashlee was just... too much. She almost took this TOO seriously. I've been saying it for the past couple weeks now, she's just no fun. She was saying some heavy, serious stuff that you don't say on a dating game. She was saying wedding vows and stuff all the time. You can't sit there and say you know y'all were meant to be! When you do stuff like that, that's when you get the ultimate rejection.

Man, I REALLY hope Ashlee isn't the next Bachelorette. Don't know if I could blog through that.

10:00 PM: Ok, this is finally over. I can't wait to go to bed.

Oh, and just so you know, I won't blog during the Women Tell All next week. I need the bye week.

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