Anyway, time to get comfortable because this is going to be a long ride.
8:00 PM: This week on the Bachelor...
Ha... almost missed the entire intro thanks to Asha's inability to work the remote.
Thanks to those previews, I'm actually excited about tomorrow's episode.
Chris opens up the show with the breakdown of the week.
1. We get the dreaded 2-on-1 date.
2. Congratulations, ladies, you've made it to the traveling portion of the show! Your first stop... Montana? Really... is that where we're actually going? Montana? Well, ok then... Montana it is.
8:03 PM: I will say, Montana is a very scenic place. Seems very relaxing. Looks like they're in a very remote section of Montana too.
8:04 PM: Selma finds the date card. Time to announce the first date! And it goes to... Lindsay! Immediately, the girls seem happy for her, but then the camera starts showing some individuals and uh, they weren't too thrilled.
 |
| The disgust is so evident on their faces. That was awesome. |
8:06 PM: Is it part of the official Bachelor rule book that the girls must step outside and be amazed whenever Sean leaves in a {insert form of transportation here}?
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| "ooooo, that's SO amazing!" |
8:07 PM: So... they're having a picnic outside in the cold. That doesn't seem like much fun to me.
And another thing, I don't know why I continue to let this bother me: why do these ladies (and guys on the Bachelorette) act like they've actually been dating this person for months and think there's such a connection? I've let everything else go and just accept the show for what it is... but that still bothers me for some reason.
[Commercial]
8:10 PM: We're back in Whitefish, Montana. Time to get romantic.
How old is Lindsay? (I can check that later) She said when she was "an adolescent, the war started." Which one? I'm guessing the Gulf/Cold War.
Oh, they moved on quickly to the making out.
8:12 PM: Back in the house, the ladies are waiting in anticipation for the list of group date participants. Everyone's name is called except for Tierra and Jackie. So they get the 2 on 1 date. Can't wait for that awkwardness!
8:14 PM: Back on the date and Lindsay gets a rose. We didn't really see much of this date.
haha, Sean keeps saying they get along so well... and everytime he says it, they conveniently show them making out. Pretty easy to get along with a pretty girl when she's kissin' ya.
Oh, one more surprise - free concert! Does anyone know who this woman/band is? I don't know any of Sean's people.
That date was kind of boring...
[Commercial]
Ravens won the Super Bowl (one of the few things I picked correctly), Joe Flacco gets the MVP and he's GOIN' TO DISNEY WORLD! I kinda like that they still do that commercial, and I hope those players actually go to Disney World. I went to that place for the first time back in 2010 and I absolutely loved it.
Ugh, I keep missing the show "The Taste"!
Question - do any of you guys use Google+?
8:22 PM: Ok, we're back on with more scenic shots of Montana. I just realized something - we haven't seen Sean shirtless yet! WTF, ABC?!
So the group date has begun and --
Ok... they show some goats and one of these ladies asked, "are those dogs?"
...really?
Anyway, we've got a bit of a relay race for the group date. This should be interesting! Ha, and someone has to drink goat milk. Mmmmm. Is goat milk good? Never had it.
Ahh man... the red team looks a lil'... weak.
hahaha... Selma just made a... suggestive motion with her hand. That was... funny.
Ok, so the competition has begun and Selma and Robyn had a TERRIBLE start. They end up taking their canoe straight into the grass.
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| "We're totally crushing them!" |
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| "They are totally crushing us." |
So they had a huge lead and then they can't handle the hay bails. Red team has caught up and... oh snap, they're taking the lead!
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| "Pick it up, Des! I'm working with 1 arm here and moving better than you!" |
Haha, they had to milk that goat and I guess the goat didn't like where their hands were because she kicked over their jar.
Dang, Desiree downed that milk like a champ.
Wow, the red team pulls out the comeback and wins! (Remember in a previous post when I said that in these color matchups, red seems to always win even though blue is the better color? Well... perfect example. If you want to see what I said, go almost half way down to the volleyball section.)
8:30 PM: That group date was actually entertaining. I found myself just... watching. That doesn't happen very often with this show.
[Commercial]
8:34 PM: Back in Whitefish. I like Sean's jacket.
So Sean feels bad for sending the ladies home. So of COURSE, he breaks some more rules! He sends Chris back to invite the ladies back out for the second half of the date.
Did he tell the red team he was doing this? Cuz I'm pretty sure if I were on the red team I'd be so mad he invited the losers!
Oh... he's telling them now. Ha, they all thought he was joking... and now they're all mad. Haha, and Desiree had to chug that milk for nothin'.
Ha, Robyn is clearly pissed. All I know is somebody from the red team BETTER get this rose.
8:39 PM: We finally get some quality Tierra confessional time. Took long enough to get this episode centered around her.
And she's plotting to go find Sean cuz she needs to talk to him.
8:40 PM: These girls need to tell Sean how they really feel. It really doesn't matter if you're upset if Sean doesn't know.
Also, Sean is clearly enjoying being the Bachelor.
8:41 PM: Oh my God... Tierra is crazy. This fool put on one of the blue team's shirts and she's walking to the group date! Hahaha... she's so crazy. I love it.
Ha... and she comes in while he's doing his confessional. Man, Sean is missing all of these clear clues and signs that Tierra is 100% certified crazy. Seriously man, you can't ignore these signs.
 |
| This looks like the classic scenario when someone must make a decision and they have an angel on 1 shoulder and a devil on the other. Except he has Crazy Tierra on 1 shoulder, and lots and lots of alcohol on the other. |
[Commercial]
8:46 PM: Ok, we're back on with Tierra interrupting the confessional. He's happy to see her.. but uh... c'mon man. This season is just full of habitual rule breakers.
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| Still has no idea. She's a sneaky lil' thing. |
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| Got 'em. |
I HOPE these other girls see this conversation happening. You know... just to add some fuel to the fire.
Ha, she's so evil. Plotting and planning to make sure Jackie goes home.
8:48 PM: Sean seems to have maybe sorta kinda caught a hint that Tierra is crazy.
8:49 PM: Dang... Desiree basically got to say 1 sentence and then got interrupted by Ashlee... who was on the BLUE team... aka the LOSERS. I feel like I'm picking sides and right now, I'm on the red team's side. This isn't fair... at all. I'd be SO mad if I were on the red team. I Think I'm actually kind of mad right now.
8:52 PM: Daniella's turn to get some one-on-one time with Sean and... she sucks at this, haha. She didn't go interrupt like they all do and instead, she turns around, goes back inside and cries.
And now her one-on-one time with him is just full of tears. Every guy is a sucker for a girl crying. We're powerless to it.
8:55 PM: Ok, time to hand out this rose. Sean, don't be stupid. You KNOW you need to pick someone from the red team for this one...
He was stupid... he gave it to Daniella... who was on the freakin' blue team! Ugh, I just got mad again.
Oh, and Robyn is mad too. I wonder if she'll say anything to Sean.
[Commercial]
9:00 PM: Ok, we're back and the ladies are preparing for the 2-on-1 date. Let's all be honest here, we ALL know Jackie is going home. Ok, maybe we don't know for sure, but the chances of Tierra being sent home are pretty low.
It's also pretty clear that Sean at least THINKS there's a little to be suspicious/cautious about with Tierra. But that won't stop him!
9:02 PM: Jackie has already started as the third wheel. Not looking good for her.
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| Classic tricycle situation. (Third wheel.) |
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| "Hey guys, wait up!" |
[Commercial]
I'm getting tired. These 2 hour episodes are ridiculous. Why do they have to be 2 hours long? Like... really, why? There's so much that could be cut. Plus, it'd be nice to not have to stay up for this every Monday. It's becoming harder and harder.
9:09 PM: Ok, we're back on and it's dinner time and WHOA, Tierra is actually eating the food!
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| Crazy people gotta eat too. |
Ok, everyone is drinking wine and I guess their throats are all mic'd up because uh... all we hear are their gulps.
 |
| This portion of the date, Sean suggested they do a waterfall. |
Ok, I think now is the perfect time to introduce you all to the "Tyson Zone". This was created by one of my favorite writers (Bill Simmons, he writes for ESPN and Grantland) and it started with Mike Tyson in the early 90s. He was hands down the best boxer on the planet. He was also one of the craziest and scariest human beings on the planet. He reached a point in his life where, if you hear ANYTHING about him or something crazy he did, you'd most likely just believe it, no questions asked, thus creating the "Tyson Zone". Any time a person's reputation gets so outlandish, you'd honestly believe anything you heard about them without second guessing, they've reached the "Tyson Zone". (Examples: Mike Tyson, Michael Jackson, the Manti T'eo story, Lindsey Lohan, Britney Spears circa 2007-2008) I say all of that because our favorite contestant, Tierra, is nearing the "Tyson Zone". She'll clearly create just about any type of drama just to gain and edge and stay on the show. I mean, let's be honest here - if I come up to you to tell you about the next episode and I said,
"Yeah, on the next episode, Tierra purposely jumps into freezing water and stays in, under water about 8 seconds too long to the point where someone literally has to come in, pull her out of the water, administer CPR and save her life. Then, once she sneaks out of the hospital and gets back to the hotel with everyone else, she pretends to have amnesia and acts like she doesn't know any of the girls in the house but she thinks Sean is her actual husband."
If I told you that, don't lie, you'd at least be at a 60/40 split - 60% you believe it, 40% you're not sure. Tierra has done enough to where you really won't put much past her.
Ladies and gentlemen, let's all welcome Tierra to the "Tyson Zone". She's gonna be there a while too.
9:14 PM: Ok, it's rose time. Sean is saying his intros and it's time to send a girl home.
And the rose goes to... Tierra... big surprise there.
So yeah, it's no shocker that Jackie is going home, but I guess I still feel a little bad for Jackie. She never really seemed like she was going to win anyway. She should honestly be happy she made it to the traveling portion of the show. But one thing that annoyed me - she kept beating around the bush playing this passive aggressive game of not telling Sean how she and other really feel about Tierra. By that point, you're not staying so... just spill the beans.
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| I feel like this sequence of pictures describes Tierra perfectly. 1. Ooo, I got a rose. 2. See, Sean, I'm nice and normal. 3. SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE! |
Ahh, Tierra cracks me up. Unfortunately, we continue to put people like her on TV and then they get "famous" for nothing. Kind of annoying.
[Commercial]
I need to watch 'Scandal'. That seems like a good, intense show.
9:22 PM: Ok, we're back on and it's rose ceremony time!
This will be an interesting rose ceremony. Not sure who's going home. He seems to genuinely like all of the ladies remaining. I would've picked Daniella to be going home at this point, but the dummy went and gave her a rose so yeah, no clue now.
Haven't had ANY shots of any Sean + Robyn time so there's a potential upset.
Desiree gets the first bit of one-on-one time. She definitely doesn't need to worry very much, but I can understand her confusion during this.
9:26 PM: Haha, the girls are all just sitting around and... sitting, haha. Someone mentions Jackie was probably the sweetest girl there and she had to leave and... CUE TIERRA'S DRAMA! She gets up and storms off.
9:28 PM: Uh oh, Robyn said she's going to go talk to Tierra. She's clearly um... not liking Tierra. Oh.. and Lesley came too. Robyn got some back up, haha.
There's a part of me that just want them to fight. Literally fight. Not words, just walk up to Tierra and just start swinging.
Oh... and Catherine joined too! Dang, it's like Tierra was about to get jumped.
Ahhh, Tierra was actually OK with her entire stance during this whole... "talk", until she starts talking about being able to just go get engaged by any guy. That might come back to bite her.
[Commercial]
9:33 PM: Yes, we're back on! I was waiting in anticipation, haha.
Ah, yes! And Sean just waltzes by just as Tierra is mad and "talking" with Robyn. This just got really interesting. So Sean pulls Tierra aside to talk to her. I really hope he talks to others to get the entire story.
Sean is fighting SO hard to not be the super naive Bachelor.
9:37 PM: Sean wants some answers, and he wants the truth... so the next person to talk to, the girl that works on capitol hill - Lesley. We all know she'll give it to ya straight. And she did.
I feel so lame because I'm actually interested in this rose ceremony. Who's going home? Will he break another rule and just keep everyone? Ohh, the possibilities.
[Commercial]
9:43 PM: We're back to the most anticipated rose ceremony of the season.
Oooo, we get the rose ceremony interview with Chris Harrison. Now you know it's a serious ceremony. This little interview is showing that Sean isn't completely naive.
Ya know, I think I would like to host this show. I think I could totally do it. It'd be hard to not say certain things, but yeah, I could definitely do it.
Oh snap, he's not very confident that his wife is still on this show. That's a big line that wasn't played up during previews.
[Commercial]
Haha, that Subaru commercial with the dogs was great. That was better than most of the Super Bowl commercials I saw.
9:51 PM: Ok, we back and it's FINALLY time to hand out some roses.
Everyone looks so concerned. This is exciting, haha.
Ok, the first rose goes to... Selma.
Still have a bad feeling about Robyn...
Catherine, Lesley and Ashlee are next.
The tension is crazy...
Sarah gets her rose... and we're down to Desiree and Robyn for the final rose.
The last rose goes to... Desiree. Awww, I wanted Robyn to stay longer, but I definitely felt that one coming. Robyn stayed pretty classy at the end of this because many of you probably agree, Robyn could've/should've went over and just punched Tierra in the face. Maybe if this was Flavor of Love... but not on network television.
9:58 PM: We're getting some good previews for the next episode/rest of the season. Tierra's got some good stuff coming up.
These previews are always nice, except I don't always like knowing who's staying later on. Oh well, the drama is still entertaining. That was a good episode, but now I have to get some rest so I'm good to go for yet another 2-hour episode tomorrow... *fist pump* yeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssssss.
#Sarcasm
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