Tuesday, May 29, 2012

The Bachelorette: Who took my man card?!

I can't help it - I'm a sucker for TV. I can pretty much sit down and watch anything. I may not like it, I may find it completely irrational, but I can always appreciate some good plot moments and entertaining editing.

With that said, I'm often stuck watching "girl" shows (thanks to the wife) which creates an off and on relationship between myself and my "man card". I can totally see why females can get into shows like "Vampire Diaries", "Glee", "Say Yes to the Dress", and "Gossip Girl". (FUN FACT: In college I actually created a show nearly 100% identical to Gossip Girl (before the show came out) except my show was located in Florida and centered around Vanessa Hudgens who was the main character. I know entertainment... I was robbed.)

With my acceptance of the "girly" shows, and general couch-potatoness, of COURSE I'm going to blog while watching the Bachelorette. Let the games begin!

8:02 PM - man, that was quite an intro. If all that is happening in this hour, it's gonna be a long episode.

10 seconds later... - Just checked to see how long this episode was and OF COURSE it's 2 hours long. Really hope my internet stays strong so I can watch the game online and keep a little of my manhood with me.

8:03 PM - that guy, Chris, just got the date card. Not a huge fan of his. I feel like he's one of those guys that thinks he's much cooler than he really is.

8:04 PM - Emily just dropped the bomb on Chris that he has to scale the building to get to his dinner. I remember hearing about this when it happened a couple months ago.

Wait... did he just compliment how she looked in a harness? That was lame.

8:05 PM - Asha just asked what I was thinking in my head... they ain't climbing that. they're kind of... just going up. In other news though, that lightening looked really cool.

8:06 PM - haha, the crowd gathering had looks of, "uh... what are they doing?"

8:07 PM - I think Asha and I just figured out how their rope contraption worked. Haha, he just said he felt like an idiot just standing there and high-fiving her. And he should... cuz that was kind of corny.

8:08 PM - First commercial break. Man... this is a bit of a hectic pace. Pretty sure I won't keep this up for the entire episode, but I'm gonna try. #keepontruckin'

Is anyone gonna watch this Glass House show?

8:11 PM - And we're back. It's windy out there. Terrible conditions to eat outside.
"If I saw you across the bar, I would not talk to you," proclaimed Emily. Classic.

haha, Emily's reaction to Chris being 25 years old was funny. Total deal breaker, but don't worry, Chris - Age ain't nuthin' but a number!

8:13 PM - Group date participants announced! Pretty sure he just named everyone in the house except himself.

I'm digging these skyline shots of uptown.

8:14 PM - Chris tells Emily that he left home to go off to school at age 17. I think LOTS of people do that (including myself). I think some people call it "college".

8:15 PM - Chris gets his rose. Good for him. And now it's concert time. Seriously though, I didn't hear about this announcement.

"Girl, you make my speakers go boom boom..." and I thought rap music had some terrible lyrics...

8:16 PM - He asked to kiss her at the end of the song... *blank stare*

8:17 PM - Everyone just joined Emily and Chris in the street to dance (even 2 black girls!). There was a lot of off-beat dancing going on at the Trade and Tryon intersection.

8:18 PM - Oh yes, classic grilling from the best friends. I can't wait for that! Also in that teaser, the guy with the 5 year old son is crying. Aren't we tired of seeing people cry on tv?

8:22 PM - And were back! We open in a park... don't know if I've been to this park.

Oh snap... Emily's got a gun. Just rifled that football a good... 10 yards...

Haha, Emily just dipped out on them to go get her Mob Squad.

Haha, the newspaper had a nice upward butt shot of Emily and Chris scaling that building. Nice.

8:25 PM - the Mob Squad seems very excited about grilling the guys.

8:26 PM - Asha recognizes a voice over editing moment. I'm so proud right now.

Dang, a commercial already. That was a quick segment.

Heidi Klum in some hair commercial. I'm not really into models/model type - but that Heidi...

8:30 PM - And we're back. Asha just pointed out which was the prettiest friend. I have to agree.

Lots of dad questions. Honestly, what do you think these guys are gonna say? Haha... the blonde friend seems to have no mercy... but it didn't really seem that bad.

8:32 PM - Oh lord... they got these dudes dancing... and OF COURSE Jersey guy has to bust out his moves. (P.S. - glad they commented on weird guy carrying the egg.)

8:33 PM - Blonde friend, Wendy, is just flirting now. Dude took his shirt off and doing push ups... her inner cougar was about to come roaring out.

8:34 PM - Emily blows a whistle and a bunch of screaming white kids come running out of cars. Time to play with strangers! But seriously, I'd be pretty awesome at this. Mainly cuz I'd just wanna play.

8:35 PM - Ok, Ryan is a little annoying. He's trying too hard. Someone needs to point out that he ISN'T WATCHING THE KIDS at the playground! While you're chatting up the ladies, top predator-guy is offering poor Ricki some tasty candy in his unmarked, all white window-less van. Terrible dad.
Also, he told her not to get fat. Trust me, I know what you mean man, but you don't say that now. Kind of crashed and burned on that one.

8:37 PM - Doug, Sean, and Ryan were the top 3 picked by the Mob Squad. I can't figure out which guy is which...

8:38 PM - going to commercial and we get a tease clip... guy that comes off as a rich, polo wearing helicopter riding jerk just snapped at Emily for interrupting him. Cuz you know... that's what you do to a woman you're trying to impress.

I apologize to any of my rich, polo-wearing, helicopter riding friends out there. Don't take it personally, it's just the best way to describe that guy.

8:42 PM - We come back and they're rollin' into Butter. I've been in there, it's snazzy.

I just made a super feminine comment that I won't share. But hey, I'm confident in my manliness.

8:44 PM - just realized that I don't know any of these dudes' names... at ALL.

Wow... umm... Doug... yeah, anyway, he just shared the saddest story. Definite tear-jerker.

8:47 PM - "Who's that?!" I've uttered this question quite a few times. I forgot there were guys NOT on this group date. Anyway, I need a nickname for "rich polo wearing helicopter riding jerk" guy cuz that's too much to type. But I'm ready for him to explode or throw some sort of tantrum.

8:48 PM - Tony tearing up talking about missing his son. I'm pretty sure he's falling into the "friend zone" with Emily. Crying in front of her and her calling him "cute" for crying while missing his son. I dunno, just kind of seems she's too sympathetic and he's gonna be in the friend zone.

Commercial. I needed that. This live blog is testing my concentration.

8:51 PM - I just screamed cuz I realized I didn't have the game going online. #stupid

8:52 PM - We're good now.

8:53 PM - Back to the Bachelorette. So... I keep seeing previews of Emily smashing that stupid ostrich egg on the ground. I really want to see this.

8:54 PM - Tony needs to just go home. He's crying too much. Outside against the wall sulking... man, just go home and find a woman in whatever city you live in. Doug just gave some good advice but... Tony needs to just go home. I'm tired of his story already.

8:56 PM - Tony talking to his son on the phone. I do get it, he misses his son. Just wondering how long has he been away at this point.  He's acting like he's been gone 3 months now. Cut the umbilical cord, bro!

8:58 PM - Emily talking with Tony. Again, she's relating to him too much. She just used him in a past tense reference. She's gonna send him home...

... and boom goes the dynamite...

Tony seems happy Emily is gracefully sending him home. It's like he just wanted someone else to tell him to go home. He wasn't cut out for this show. Bye, Tony!

9:00 PM - first hour down. Thought I was catching a cramp but I toughed it out. Only warriors up in this blog.

9:02 PM - Sean gets the group date rose. Not gonna lie... he's in my top 5.

Commercial! Let's see what's happening with this game...
End of the first quarter, Miami is up 21-11. Haven't seen much of the game, but judging by Boston's ability to barely crack double digits, I'm going to assume they're off to a slow start.

9:07 PM - We're back and Arie is finally getting some camera time.
Ya'know, sometimes it seems like these guys have never seen this show before. They all think they have the best and strongest relationship with Emily. It makes me chuckle.

9:09 PM - Dollywood. Definitely something different for Arie.
Haha... "I don't do roller coasters." I was really hoping for a major freakout from Emily, but I was highly disappointed.

9:11 PM - Emily's hero, Dolly Parton, appears on stage. I think Emily just peed on herself a little bit.
Snap, Dolly's got some serious nails/claws. How old is this woman? And how much surgery has she had? She can still sing though.

And now some life lessons from Dolly Parton. Kind of messed up though... just kicked Arie out. Where's he supposed to go in an empty Dollywood?

9:14 PM - Arie's back! I wonder what he was doing.

Asha just asked, "Is she (Dolly) really singing this?" And ya'know... I'm not sure. Did I give Dolly too much props earlier? I came to the conclusion she was actually singing only because I don't think she's that good at faking it.

I need to do some crunches...

Just scrolled up... this is a long blog. It's not my fault this show just HAS to be 2 hours long.

9:20 PM - And we're back. Emily seems to like Arie, but I haven't really seen it. Also, the date card said something about a "wild ride" and uh... nothing wild about this date... or the ride over there.

Interesting background story from Arie. Lil' deeper than I expected.

9:22 PM - Arie and Emily actually seem to be having a real, honest conversation over dinner. Arie, you've moved into the top 5. (right now, the top 5 only consists of Arie and Sean).

Haha, Emily got 'em. Pretty sure Arie was ready to cry over heartbreak.

9:25 PM - Arie goes in for the kiss while on the carosel. Hope Chris was watching and taking notes.
Oh snap, slow motion kiss... pretty sure I saw some tongue in there.

9:30 PM - we come back with Ricki helping mom get ready for the night. I forgot she's just staying home at night.

Ryan likes to... talk. He's borderline really annoying.
Wow... she picked Kalen (rich polo wearing helicopter riding jerk) first. He's... hahaha and there it is. He just snapped at her annnnnd you can see it on Emily's face. She's done with him at the moment. And he seems to be oblivious to it.

9:34 PM - Ah man... THIS is how they get rid of the egg? How disappointing. I was hoping she was just mad at him and killed his baby egg. See... the power of good editing.
Ah man... they could've at least cooked up "Shelly" (ostrich egg).

9:35 PM - guy with an accent... hasn't had much camera time. This should be interesting...
He's very... red/orange. Like... it looks unhealthy.
He also doesn't sound very... confident in his answers. Ahh... and he's talking about compromising with him becoming a dad. Haha... and he's standing strong with this compromise thing. I'm just gonna go ahead and tell Emily that this guy isn't for her.

9:39 PM - I think Asha might be one of the most oblivious tv viewers EVER. She's gonna sit there and watch that preview for that Abraham Lincoln movie where he's killing vampires (yeah, not sure about that one) and act like we didn't just talk about it last night! AND it was the first time seeing that commercial. You'd think with as much live tv as I watch (people still watch live tv?) she would've seen that commercial at least 5 times by now (because I've probably seen it 10 times).

9:42 PM - we come back and uh... Emily is sending Alessandro home not now, but RIGHT now. But there clearly wasn't a match. Also... uh, what kind of shoes was she wearing? Looked like she had on some combat boots.

Arie being there to make Emily feel better... that's my boy! OOOOO, AND he got the kiss in! Right in the hallway where they can see them! GANG-STAR! That was a power move. And that power move just jumped him into the top 3 (by himself, haha).

9:45 PM - My man Sean said just enough to get a kiss. I really hope no one in the house is sick.
(that was a total lie, I hope something spreads!)

Another quick segment. But hey, it's almost over.

9:52 PM - We're back for the rose ceremony (and hopefully the last segment for tonight). So only 1 person is going home tonight... would it have been that way if she didn't already send 2 guys home?

I don't like Ryan's beard. But with that said, I'm so jealous cuz he can actually grow one. #babyfaceproblems

9:54 PM - this long haired guy, Michael, was probably the first "surprise" in the rose ceremony. Not sure if I've even heard that guy speak yet.

9:56 PM - down to 2 roses... oh wow... and Kalen (rich polo etc. etc.) got one. Chris (the host) just let us know we're down to the final rose tonight... in case you weren't paying attention. And Nate gets it (whoever that is) which means break dancing boy from Jersey has to go home. He said he felt like he was on the chopping block though so at least he saw it coming. Probably too much popping and locking when he was with the Mob Squad.

9:58 PM - Next week on the Bachelorette... oh snap, they're going to Bermuda. Oooo... and there's some hostility going toward a couple guys.

Ugh... Alessandro was... TOO honest. Dated his 3rd cousin? Bruh, we don't admit that here in Charlotte.

Ok, episode (and blog) now complete. Boy, that was... somewhat exhausting. Hope you enjoyed my random thoughts throughout this episode of the Bachelorette. Anyway, see ya next week! (maybe... don't count on it, I'd like to get my man card back!)

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