Friday, June 14, 2013

The Bachelorette: RIGHT REASONS part dos!

So after last week's episode, I'm a bit concerned on how this season is going to go. Tonight's episode is shaping up to be a pivitol point in the season providing a bit of a fork in the road. With someone's girlfriend apparently showing up, this could lead to a couple things:
1. It's ACTUALLY a girlfriend and he is embarassed on national TV. Then he has some ungracious and also embarrassing exit from the show from trying to lie his way out of it. THEN it just leads to more and more drama throughout the season! (like... they ALL have girlfriends at home! ...nah, that would be lame, but still.)
2. It's all some dumb joke or it's not really this guy's girlfriend and Dez is suddenly super naive and lets him stay. Then the rest of the season is lame.

Let's hope #1 happens.

Ok, it's 8:00 PM. Time to get comfy (for 2 hours...) and start the show!

8:00 PM - Lame intro. Blah, blah, blah - some clips we've already seen. Let's start the show already.

Oh, we started. Chris Harrison strolls in wearing an... interesting shirt. Plaid with uh.. some funky, polka dot type design on the inside. I can't even describe it... it was just uh... not working for me.

8:03 PM: Group date participants announced and now they've all arrived for the date.

Hey, one of these dudes... I like his kicks.

Anyway, they're date is dodgeball. They seem pretty excited about it. Honestly, they could easily get their fill of dodgeball by just signing up for YMCA Camp! I'm positive the kids could murder these dudes!

Hahahaha... these professional dodgeball players are RIFLING these balls at them. That was entertaining.

8:05 PM: Well, well, well... Mr. Chris Harrison comes strolling in again. Time to split the boys up and have some "winner take all" dodgeball!! Yeeeeaaaaahhhhhhh!

(Side note: I found it funny that the movie, "Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story" is actually airing on Spike right now.)

Haha... they came out uh... kinda hype in their little shorts. Well... let's get this party started!

[commercials... that I have to sit through now... ugh! #firstworldproblems]

8:10 PM - We're back. Dez is laughing at them. She finds it funny seeing grown men in little shorts. It wasn't that funny in the 70s and 80s, Dez!

They just look silly. 
They have a bunch of lil' cheers... they sound like softball girls.

As usual, it's red vs blue. I usually always take blue because I like that color better. In this case... man... I dunno, dawg. Anyway, they made this pretty dramatic and of course it came down to a mano e mano match up. Add some dramatic music, slow motion clips, sound effects and BOOM, you got some intense sporting action!

8:14 PM - It was inevitable. On the 3rd and final match, of course, long-haired Brookes gets a broken finger when diving for a ball. It was pretty nasty, but yeah... they made it out to be TERRIBLE. If though he got kicked in the testes. I would've had MUCH more sympathy if that happened.

8:16 PM - After an intense dodgeball match, the blue team finally wins.

Dude in the front here, I like his shoes. Also, whenever your compression shorts/boxers/whatever you're wearing underneath your shorts are longer than your actual shorts... that's not a good thing. Also, uhhh, kinda creepy looking guy over to the right... is he recording this on his tablet?

Dez gathers them all around and does the unthinkable - the same dumb thing Sean did on his season - she made EVERYONE a winner. Why even play the game if everyone wins? This ain't the soccer league for 4 year olds! Do I need to remind you...

ugh... so annoying... like these commercials...


8:21 PM - We're back and open up with Brooks in the hospital hooked up to some tubes. He apparently passed out while they realigned his finger. He isn't sounding very tough right now. I didn't pass out when they realigned my wrist when it broke in 3 places. C'mon, son.

Back to the group date and first up with the 1-on-1 time, some dude I don't recognize wants to, of course, share some... story about his past.

Oh, he has a son. Really not as dramatic as I thought. You're not the first guy to come on this show with a kid. One of the Bachelorettes had a kid, man! He's probably making up this story about his ex-wife having a drinking problem and taking his car.

...oh wait, maybe he's not making it up, haha.

8:24 PM - Back at the house and the date card comes in and it's for... Kasey! (I need to learn these guys' names. I really should've done some pregame rankings)

Back to the group date. This other guy who I don't recognize had time to figure out how to get to the top of this building... like, at the helicopter landing pad... Good move but, c'mon - nobody else noticed he was out wandering? Although, maybe they didn't recognize him either.

8:27 PM - Aww, yay... Brookes comes back. Showed up in his GAME WORN dodgeball uniform. Authentic athlete. Could probably go for many dollars on the ebay.

Alrighty, guy who gets the rose on the group date is... Chris! (that second guy I didn't recognize)
They now get a private concert. I think... I need to experience a private concert to see if it's cooler than I think. Isn't it time they switch it up a bit? The whole private concert thing is kind of played out to me.

"Bet he's glad she's doing all slow songs." - Asha. <-- She's absolutely right. Did you see the music video? I dont' even know if he was in that but judging by the talent pool... eeehh.

Side note: I got new shoes today, guys! From H&M. They're blue and I feel rather stylish while wearing them. They're good summer shoes too. Have to be careful with H&M. They've got some great stuff for great prices, but... a ton of stuff prodominantly worn by gay dudes.

8:35 PM - We're back with some solo Dez time. She's... fake writing in a journal or something and gets a phone call from Chris Harrison. (Man, Chris is all up in tonight's episode!)

So yeah, Chris has explained to Dez about this "bad news" and now she's headed to the mansion to confront one of these dudes.

Ha, so Dez has arrived and Kasey is all smiles and ready for his date... BUT FIRST... Dez has to talk to umm... Bryden? Brian? I don't know what she's saying.

Dez opened up her 1-on-1 talk with this guy like... with the classic female question, "So, is there anything you want to tell me?" Why do ladies ask this question? OBVIOUSLY the answer is NO, there isn't ANYTHING we (guys) WANT to tell you. That's why we didn't tell you! I didn't think this was very difficult to understand!

Sorry for the rant that I'm sure every female who reads this will have something to say. But guess what, no... there isn't anything I want to tell you. :)

Ok, so after pointless talking, Chris Harrison AGAIN strolls up with a woman claiming to be Bryden's girlfriend.




8:43 PM - We're back! Ha, all the guys are all anxious and shocked about what's going down. So... duh, time to go watch from the window!

Ok, the alleged girlfriend is getting umm... worked up.

Hey, is this guy's name Bryden or Brian??

Oh dang, he never told Stephanie (alleged girlfriend) he was going on the show. *Gasp* and she has a son who apparently looks up to him.

Ooo, Stephanie just airing it all out! Haha, and she won't stop. Ooo, and now everyone is talking at him!

Hahahaha, Stephanie won't let ANYBODY get a word in.

You guys think she looks a wee bit like Tierra? I could see her having the same shade of 'crazy' as Tierra.

WHOA... time OUT! My man just said Stephanie has THROWN ROCKS AT HIS FACE! ... and she confirmed it! Uhh, yeah, that may qualify as a toxic relationship.

I don't know how much of this stuff was authentic, and how much did Stephanie ham it up for the cameras, but that was a bit more entertaining than I expected.

[much needed commercial]

8:51 PM - Oh, that felt quick, we're back on. Dez has said it, it's time for him to go... and you know why... cuz he wasn't there for the RIGHT REASONS!

Haha, they're like... treating him like... a prisoner or something. He can't even talk to his bros on his way out!

Question - would you go all the way out there for 1 hour to say, "I'm your girlfriend/boyfriend!" ? I'm pretty sure I'd just officially break that off and move on. But that's just me...

Also, how did she find out? (<-- classic question every guy asks himself after the detective (aka nosy) girlfriend/wife finds out something.)

8:55 PM - Ok... I get it, Brandon... you know what it's like to have guys come into your life and date your mom and you get attached and then they leave. Yes, that's a terrible situation, but you can keep it together and not cry during your confessional, right? Maybe I just have a heart of coal?

[quick segment, we're already at commercial]

9:00 PM - FINALLY time for Kasey's date. But first, the next date card has arrived. However... I missed whoever was announced because I zoned out. So... back to the date with Kasey.

Soooo... they're going to dance on the side of a building. I believe she called it 'Vandeloop'? Anyway, DIDN'T SHE SEE THEM DANCE IN THE MUSIC VIDEO?! And now she wants him to dance ON THE SIDE OF A BUILDING?!

Still don't know how I feel about this particular activity.

I... GUESS this would be cool? I dunno... whatever.

Apollo, however, did not find this cool at all. He went to bed.

9:03 PM - It's dinner time! Judging by the music playing... something isn't going to right.

Oh, and there it is... it's suddenly like... super windy. Everything is blowing and falling over. And like some... silly white people, they thought it was a good idea to jump in the pool.

...yeah, whatever.

And Kasey tried to save it by kissing her in the pool. AND they have wet towels to go along with the freezing water and the harsh wind. Not his fault, he had an uphill battle.

They finally decide to leave the pool and Kasey gets the sympathy rose.

Ya know, this makes me think - do you think they actually WANTED to get in that pool? I mean, that just wasn't a smart decision. Maybe the camera crew was like, "we have to have a bathing suit/swimming scene so... yup, you gotta get in. Sorry, guys."


Another side note: Sooo, you guys heard of the app Viggle? It's an app where you "check in" with TV shows you're watching and earn points. Anyway, there's a chat room portion so I decided to check one out. I open it up and... it's a bunch of old people talking about dating and what dating sites they've used while commentating on the show. Color me surprised. I wasn't sure what to expect but... I didn't see that coming.

9:12 PM - Time for the next group date. The guys are very excited about the horse and carriage showing up to pick them up for the date.

Dez is dressed in a... Gone With The Wind style dress. There's some wild west type stuff on this date. Dez seems to like... acting. Is this supposed to be like... her audition for future opportunities?

Anyway, I guess it's pretty cool they're with the stunt crew from the upcoming movie, "The Lone Ranger." I used to want to be a stuntman. I think a part of me would still like to do it.

9:15 PM - So they learned all the basics... now they bring in some real live horses!

Haha... got a classic moment from Juan Pablo clapping and saying, "I like it!" as only Juan Pablo  could do.

Alright, it's competition time.

They're all going through what they learned... one dude split his pants... and then BOOM!

It was Juan Pablo time! My man came out in full conquistador mode! Only spoke spanish and did his best spanish cowboy he could do!

Quickest gun slinger west of the Mississippi... JUAN PABLO!

So of COURSE he won. Duh! They got to watch The Lone Ranger... and that's when he put the moves on Dez!

Muy Caliente!

[commercial time]

Hahaha, Asha just hit me with the Juan Pablo kiss. I blushed.

9:26 PM - We're back. Everyone is around the fire, time to fight for some alone time with Dez.

Haha, so I just checked out twitter to see what some folks have said about tonight's episode. This girl, @BritaMcGinnis said,

     "I keep waiting for Tierra to walk around the corner & take Dez's place as #TheBachelorette. Dez is boring, and the guys are gay."

This cracked me up because... Tierra probably would be more entertaining. But I mean... she's crazy so, that's a given. The guys aren't gay... but they can be pretty lame. Plus, whenever you're an outsider watching a guy try to be romantic or emotional... yeah, we can look pretty lame.

9:30 PM - James is yet another guy with some back story. Don't get me wrong, his dad has pancreatic cancer. That's absolutely terrible. But man, it just feels like each guy is trying to 1-up each other with how bad their past is/was. It's not a competition, guys! (except... it is)

Ha... he gave her a lil' daisy. I guess that was a good move. Dang it, I had something else to say about this... but I lost it. Oh well.


9:38 PM - We're back and... dang, Chris Harrison is BACK. Again, with some news - the cocktail party for the night has been CANCELLED! Soooo they're having a pool party.

So... Ben has a plan to meet Dez outside before she even shows up. Good move, got some good alone time with her, PLUS a ride in the Bentley.

And of course, the SAME 2 dudes are mad because he made a move. They're just mad they didn't think of it first!! He ain't there to make Y'ALL happy! He ain't there for THEIR approval! I get it, he's lied about already talking to her. GET OVER IT! All these little solo talks they keep having with him... my goodness guys, just step your game up!

Do you think Ben cares if you don't trust him? My goodness, this is getting old.

9:44 PM - Man, this dude is bringing up his emotional stuff again. Ugh... I can't take this. I'm not going to type anything during this...

*not typing*

Ugh... sausage fest in the pool...


9:50 PM - It's Rose Ceremony time!

Oh look, one of those same guys complaining about Ben playing this game smarter than them.

Hm... I... don't know how I feel about Dez's dress. IT's like... when I see a shirt or some shoes I like... except for 1 random thing added to it that kinda ruins it all for me. In this case, it would be the... straps/neckline... part.

Ok, on to the roses... Captain American and Juan Pablo get the first roses. Kinda funny she feels the need to ask him if he'll accept the rose en espanol.

Zac W., broken finger Brookes and Drew are next to get roses. Then the other Zack.. Zac... whatever, gets a rose.

Brad aka "I too have a kid at home" gets a rose. Michael... so annoying he wastes so much time complaining about Ben... gets a rose.

And of course his complaining partner in crime, Mikey, gets a rose.

And now we're down to the final rose - which goes to...

OH snap, I just saw we have some popular faces still left rose-less. This is big...

Ohh, and Ben gets the final rose! And Brandon is STUNNED. Honestly, it's not that surprising for a couple reasons:
1. This guy Dan... man, I don't know who you are so yeah... bye.
2. Brandon... too emotional... and you're just too much. You told her you're falling in love with her... bro... it's WEEK 3! I didn't even tell my dog I loved him after 3 weeks.

Oh lord... and now he's crying as they talk outside. He says he's in love with her... and his heart has been smashed. He's too much, man.

"Once again... someone left me..." - Brandon

The official #struggleface. He was so hurt he didn't get a rose. Poor guy.
(I chuckled throughout that entire sentence)

Man... shut yo punk ass up.

Clips for next week - looks like everyone gets a 1-on-1 date and makes out with Dez.

We end the show with much needed Juan Pablo time. Poor Spanish guy trying to speak "cowboy". That was funny.

Ok, time to see if I get sucked into this show "Mistresses" because I'm too lazy to reach over and change the channel. See ya next week!

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