Sunday, August 4, 2013

The Bachelorette: It's. About. To. Go. DOWN #FantasySuite

Welp, after a nice week off, I'm BACK! I thought I'd be re-energized for this but that big dinner I just ate... I definitely caught "the itis" and this may be a bit of a struggle.

Ok, so anyway, the second to last episode has begun! I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! It's getting brighter too!

Dez is recapping the season. This is literally just a (so far) 6 minute reminder of how boring this season was. It's not that these guys were bad... they just weren't very entertaining at all. To the point where it's made me think about only blogging on The Bachelor.

It's 8:09 PM and she's STILL recapping and going through these final guys.

Ok, FINALLY... never been so happy for a commercial break.

[thankfully, Commercial Break]
So as I'm sitting here I gots to thinking - how long you think it's going to take before they pick a non-white Bachelor or Bachelorette? And when that happens, do you think the person will be black? Hispanic? Asian? Just wondering...

8:14 PM - And we're back. Ok... somebody help me out please. Is it pronounced 'Antiga' or 'Antig-wa'? I always thought it was pronounced 'Antig-wa', but they're clearly not pronouncing that 'u' at the end. Is not pronouncing the 'u' the correct way to say it? I'm so confused... whateva...

We're first hanging out with Drew aka Tommy Hilfiger. They're out having some dancing fun with the locals. I'm preeeetty sure these locals are giggling and laughing at them as they dance.

Oh snap... this dude weaving stuff out of uh... grass... anyway, homie got skills.

...oh, and it got a lil' awkward as he sat and watched them kiss... and kinda gave directions....

8:19 PM - Just remembered this is the "Fantasy Suite" episode. Always makes me giggle.

Except right now, it's boring because they're just talking. I feel bad because these guys seem like genuinely nice guys. I don't know if I'd hang out with them or anything, but yeah, nice guys. I just... don't want to watch them on TV.

[Commercial Break]

8:25 PM - It's back on and these suckas apparently got caught in the rain. They had a nice dinner and bon fire planned on the beach and the rain kinda ruined that. Uhh... didn't they check the weather? I know somebody there has an iPhone and can check the weather.

8:26 PM - Oh snap, thanks to the rain, my man Hilfiger got into the Fantasy Suite early! That is a W-I-N. Ha, and he has no shame about staying there over night either.

You guys, please excuse me if there are some gaps in this post. This talking on the couch is just boring. So I've been on Facebook seeing how other people cook like me. Just guess. Add more cheese... you can never go wrong with adding more cheese!

8:30 PM - hahahaha... so Asha and I can't decide if there was a bug on Hilfiger's shirt, or if it was just a fold in his shirt. We'll let you guys decide.

[Commercial Break]

8:35 PM - Now it's Brooks' turn. He seems so... unsure. Of everything.

Man... we have to watch this dude go all the way to Idaho to talk to his sister? This could've easily been a phone call.

He's having doubts about proposing... like the majority of men. Nothing wrong with really sitting down and thinking about marrying this person you've only known for a couple months.

I honestly haven't listened to half of this segment. Oops. But yeah, looks like Brooks is going to walk away now? Maybe? I really only caught bits and pieces sooooo I might be wrong.

Asha doesn't like Mr. Turner's teeth. Just thought you should know.

[Commercial Break]

8:47 PM -

I'm totally going to audition for that gig too.

That tweet had fantastic timing because they totally opened with some acoustic guitar.

Anyway, it's Chris' turn. This rocky beach area looks nice. This place is so gosh darn scenic. I'd like this choppa ride.

Is this the first helicopter ride of the season?

8:50 PM - Boring beach picnic.

Ok, I have a confession to make. Making out and whatnot on the beach... I don't really get it. Don't get me wrong, I'll totally make out (with Asha) on the beach. But I don't really understand why it's soooooooooooo romantic. Is it more of a girl thing? Is it a white people thing? Or is it just not my thing? Honest question too.

[Commercial Break]

8:55 PM - Dinner time.

Chris and Dez are talking about the possible future. Sound like he just recently got a job in Seattle and he's wondering about her moving to Seattle. Honest and legit question.

After talking in circles and saying a whole lot of nothin, Dez finally says she'd be open to moving to Seattle. Only took forever for her to just say that.

9:00 PM - Blah, blah blah - time for the fantasy suite.

Really Chris? You want the fantasy suite so you can sit and watch the stars? Yeah, ok.

"Watch the stars"... is that the new code on the streets now?

Oh look, another poem from Chris.

I should stop being a hater on his poems. Gotta do whatcha gotta do, bro. I shall not hate the player, but instead, hate the game.

Ugh, what is this song playing in the background?! Turn that crap down!!

[Commercial Break]

9:08 PM - Ok, time to get to what we've been building up to. First of all, Dez has totally walked right into this. For the past couple weeks she's clearly put this guy in 1st place... and now he doesn't want to be with her. Ha, Dez has some bad luck. Getting her heart broken twice on TV?! So tough.

9:10 PM - Ok, Mr. Turner is now talking with Chris Harrison. I think I'm just going to watch this part...


I wonder how much Chris is charging for this session...

...I think Chris was trying to talk him off the ledge...

Oh snap, Chris got Mr. Turner on the psychiatrist's couch now. Got him talking about his past and how his parents were divorced...

9:17 PM - It's only been going on for 7 minutes but it's felt like 30...

Man, he should've waited until after the fantasy suite to say all this. Haha... jk.

I would like a commercial break or something right about now.

9:19 PM - thank God...
[Commercial Break]

9:25 PM - Aww, Dez is so happy to see Brooks and... it's just going to go downhill... and she doesn't see it coming at all. #BrickWall

I feel so evil right now. She's all happy, Brooks is not happy... and I'm trying to hard to not smile and giggle.

You can see the concern in Dez's eyes. Ok, now I guess I'm feeling bad for her. She totally sees it now. She's holding back tears.

5 minutes later, she can't hold back the tears anymore.

This is like a real break up.

Hey, we can hear someone's heart beating (fast) from one of the microphones. I wonder who's it is.

Haha, she told him she loved him and was like, "WHAT?! WHY YOU TELL ME THAT NOW?!?!" (ok, well he didn't say it exactly like that... but yeah, that's what he said.

They cried SO much, it was ridiculous.

Well, that's done.

[Commercial Break]

9:39 PM - Home stretch time. Dez and Mr. Turner are just sitting silently.

This is... interesting. Brooks is basically saying it's gonna take him longer than 2 months to fall madly in love with someone.

I'm ready for this to be over now...

[Commercial Break]

9:50 PM - Ok, last 10 minutes... and of course we open up with them still sitting and crying on the bench. At least they're finally getting up and leaving now.

Ok... how pissed would you be if you were Drew or Chris watching this season back and hearing Dez saying all this?! I mean, it's sounding like she just never wanted to be with any of them other dudes... ever.

"Sorry, I'll shut up." - Brooks.

That was hilarious. Best line of the night.

Do you think Brooks will be the next Bachelor? Will ABC try to help him find love?

9:55 PM - man, I think I'ms tarting to feel wet with all this dang crying... Chill with all the waterworks, people!

Ok, it's 9:58 PM and they're still doing all this crying... this BETTER go off at 10.

Ok, cool it's going off now, haha.

Previews for next week's episode has... you guessed it... more crying!

Haha, man Drew and Chis have no clue about all this. Couldn't imagine being them and watching this right now either.

Ok, that's a wrap. That was by far the most crying I've ever seen on an episode of anything. I'm sure there are funerals that don't have that much crying.

Haha, I can't wait to talk to Keri about this episode.

Anyway, hope everyone got enough of the tears. See you all next week for the FINAAAALE! (I said that all fancy-like and I expect you to say it the same way.)

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