Tuesday, February 4, 2014

The Bachelor: Motion in the Ocean

We're back for another week! Time for the ladies to explore the romantic land of... Vietnam.

Hmm... ok, we'll see how this goes.

8:00 PM - Watching the preview of tonight's episode. Looks like it's all about Clare tonight.

Man... he's riding on a boat and... that has to be the dirtiest water I've ever seen. But other than that, Vietnam is nice and scenic.

Ha, Kat with the "Where in the World is Carmen San Diego" reference! 2 points for you! #90sKid

Renee finally gets her 1 on 1 date. Needless to say... she is happy about it.

Wow, this first segment really didn't have much going on. We're at commercial already. Whatevs, I need to check some scores anyway.

[Commercial Break]

8:09 PM - Back on and it's 1 on 1 date time. Renee really wants that kiss.

Ya know... the more and more I watch JP, the more and more I think he maybe doesn't reeeeeeeeeeeeally want to settle down. He seems to like and enjoy the bachelor life.

Switching gears... it's apparently really hot over there in Vietnam. Renee is commenting on her sweat. However, the sweat is evident on JP's  shirt. Light colored shirts ain't exactly the best thing to wear while sweating.

[Commercial Break... ugh, Valentine's Day commercials...]

8:19 PM - Evening portion of the 1 on 1 date. Renee got her custom made dress. It actually does look pretty nice.

JP seems to honestly think he can see a future with every girl he dates. I... guess that's a good thing. Maybe?

8:22 PM - Finally back at the house and it's group date announcement time! Poor Andi is stuck on yet another group date. Andi is one of my favorites so I guess I'm sad for her, haha.

Anyway, back on the date and they talk about having a kid... again. After not eating food, Renee gets her rose! However, she still hasn't gotten that kiss. He's made some rule about not kissing her due to her having a son. It's killin' her, haha.

[Commercial Break]

8:31 PM - Group date time! They're gonna go in some little Vietnamese boats. They're circle shaped which seems like it'd be hard to steer.

Ha... Clare doesn't have any friends so when it was time to partner up, absolutely no one picked her. However, she got to go with JP so in that moment, having zero friends worked out well.

Ha... they're all just there watching Clare on a date with JP. Nice.

8:35 PM - So he randomly stops and asks some random guy if they have any food for them to eat. Except it obviously wasn't random and it was planned... but the girls thought it was totally random and that he will just always talk to random folks in other countries and ask for food.

I take that back... only this 1 girl seemed to really think this. She seems... kinda... dumb. And she's a teacher.

This little meal they're having that they basically farmed for does seem pretty nice. But Clare, of course, is barely eating anything. She's really pretty... but my goodness she's just... ugh.

[Commercial Break]

8:45 PM - So the girl with the dog... I had my doubts about her in the beginning but I'm glad she's there, she's funny. I was wrong about her.

Oh snap... not only did JP take Clare FIRST for some alone time, but he done took her back to his suite! And got in the pool with her.

But... he came back all dried off and clean. Like... he doesn't look like he was even NEAR a pool. I'm impressed.

8:52 PM - Andi finally gets her solo time with JP and it doesn't take long before they're suckin' face on the beach.

Haha, no surprise - Clare gets the rose on the group date. Clearly, no one else likes this decision. I wish Clare was more... evil. This show needs some actual drama.

[Commercial Break]

8:58 PM - Back at their... house/hotel thing. Everyone has come back all tired and exhausted... but not Clare! she's all giddy from getting her rose and now she sneaks off to JP's suite (she's already been there so she knew the way) for a night cap make out session in the ocean. Seemed like they had some fun out there in that giant fish toilet we call the ocean. Can't quite tell if they did the naughty or not.

Side note - she said she's never swam in the ocean. She's from California. She's not doing something right.

[Commercial Break]

9:05 PM - Nikki's turn for her 1 on 1 date. She's all happy, little does she know she's about to get freaked out having to repel down into a cave. Muhahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Ha, the name of the cave is "Hell." Nikki is NOT feelin' this. I don't think repelling is nearly as bad as bungee jumping.

My goodness... they had to take a make out break. Oh, and she's all calm now. How convenient.

Anyway, they made it to the bottom but it's kinda creepy down there. It was definitely set up for someone to jump out and scare them. But that wouldn't have been cool.

At all.

[Commercial Break]

9:15 PM - Evening portion of the date. All I can tell ya about this portion of the date is that Nikki wore a really short dress. Like really short. My brother called me so I missed most of whatever happened. From what I saw, looked like Nikki just did a ton of talking. But whatever she said impressed him cuz she got the rose.

[Commercial Break]

9:28 PM - Man... I totally thought it was time for the rose ceremony/end of this episode. Wrong. It's only 9:30.

Ha, JP has announced that 3 (of the remaining 11) ladies are going home. That is a nice chunk which puts us just a liiiiil' bit closer to the end of this. Anyway, once he announced it, everyone got all quiet. The awkward silence was in full effect.

Hahaha - he's currently giving us a run down of the girls and how much harder it's getting. Funny though, each time he began speaking about one of them, he started with how pretty they were. They're all pretty, sir. Gotta get a lil' deeper.

9:34 PM - Renee finally got her kiss. She definitely waited long enough. I think I'm honestly happy for her, haha.

Haha... JP and Clare are talking and he's letting her know it was probably a bad idea for them to do the nasty in the nasty ocean. I get it... and I actually understand her reasoning... but yeah, you basically just did the nasty on TV in front of roughly half of America. Anyway, she cried. He tried to make her stop crying. And after the commercial I'm sure there will be a lil' more drama.

[Commercial Break]

9:42 PM - Back on and Clare basically did a walk of shame back to the rest of the group. It's clearly awkward and everyone is pretending to act normal.

Clare has walked off to do more crying. JP is trying pretty hard, but his Latin charm isn't really working very well at the moment.

Ha... Clare is really trying to tell everyone her allergies are messed up. Don't nobody believe you. (Haha, Andi made a hilarious face after she said that. That's probably what I like most about her, she makes funny faces.)

Chris Harrison just walked in and everyone was probably saying to themselves, "thank GOD he just walked in to end this awkwardness." And I know JP probably said, "Gracias a dios - I can finally get outta here!"

[Commercial Break]

9:51 PM - Alright! Finally , it's ACTUALLY 9:51 now which means we're actually in the home stretch.

Blah, blah, blah from Chris Harrison. Let's hand out some roses, shall we. Now, I know who my bottom 3 are, but let's see how this goes.

First rose goes to Sharlene.

Cassandra, Chelsea (she was in my bottom 3) and Kat (oh snap!) get the next 3 roses and just like that, there's only 1 rose left!! Man... I think I guessed this pretty wrong.

The final rose goes to.... Andi. Ok, that wasn't a surprise. Sucks for the girl with the dog, mixed girl, and... the... other girl. None of them ever got a 1 on 1 date... but at least they got 2 travel spots!

Oooo, and speaking of travel, the next stop is New Zealand! I wanna go there! If you didn't know, I've got some sort of... passion for Australia. (New Zealand is close enough so I like it too.) I think in another life, I lived there. And I loved it. I need to go there. Someone help me make this happen!

Ok, show's over. That was fun. Not gonna lie, kids, it's going to be hard to muster up enough to do this again next week. I'll try... but just know there's a chance it won't happen!

Peace out!

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