Oh, I should add that there's a lingering storm happening. Just wanted to point out there's a chance the ol' DirecTV may go out which means this could get a rain delay. And that would suck. Because that would mean I'd have to just watch later and... I don't wanna do that.
Anyway, let's start the show...
8:00 PM- Ok... watching previews for this upcoming episode aaaaaaaaaaaannnnndddddd... I'm gonna be annoyed. I can just tell.
8:02 PM- Oh look... another hideous Chris Harrison shirt. It looks like... puke. IT's worse than last week. I think he's trying to out-do himself.
Chris Harrison just told them they're off to Atlantic City! Uhh... I don't know why they're so excited? I've never been to Atlantic City OR Los Angeles... but I'm pretty confident LA is better.
One upside though, this reminds me of Boardwalk Empire.
8:05 PM- date card has arrived and Brad is the lucky winner. (I barely recognize this guy.)
Everyone is talking about how reserved Brad is. Let me explain something that some of them may not know - Just because he doesn't talk to YOU, doesn't mean he's super reserved and doesn't talk much. It means he doesn't talk much... to YOU. See how that works?
8:07 PM- HOLD UP... they're allowed to just roam through the candy factory and grab the chocolate right off the machine?!?! I'm sure that's 100% sanitary... #nasty
 |
| Get your nasty, dirty, germ-filled hands off of the food! #nasty |
Hey, speaking of #hashtags, is that social media guy still up here?
[commercial]
8:11 PM- We're back. We opened up with them on the beach walking to their sand castle seating area.
The way this portion of the date was edited makes it look like there... wasn't much talking. We moved on to the dinner portion annnnnnnnnd apparently it wasn't just the editing, there was some awkward silences. Honestly though, he's only spoken to her 1-on-1 maybe... 5-6 times. I don't think I would really have that much to say to someone I've barely spoken to. Especially if he's as reserved as they all say.
It doesn't look like Brad is staying after this date. I'm more than ready for someone to leave! I really should've done some rankings so I could've had someone to root for.
Ok, so Dez just gave Brad the boot. Made that man walk all the way up to the top of that lighthouse to tell him bye. Honestly though, she shouldn't have done that in such a secluded spot. What if he snapped and got crazy... killed her and the camera crew. You can't trust these bachelors out here. Remember, most of these dudes are bachelors for a reason. Just sayin'.
Au revoir, Brad. (Ok, I'm gonna go ahead and throw it out there, Brad seemed/looked a little... gay. And I don't mean that in a degrading way. He looks gay.
[commercial]
8:23 PM- It's back on and it's time for the group date. One of these days I need to watch this with like... a Bachelor/Bachelorette super fan. I think that person could make watching this even more enjoyable.
Oh boy - we've got a Mr. America... bachelor... contest group date. This is gonna be grrreeeeeaaaaatt.
You know what's funny to me? I'll tell you. It cracks me up when men are better than women at "girl stuff." Examples:
- Color guard
- Pageant training
- Ballet teacher
Nothing wrong with men doing these things. I just find it a little funny when guys are just better at it. Ok, I'm done now.
 |
| I'm just gonna... stay away from this one... |
8:26 PM- OK, they're picking out stuff for their talent and uuhhh... my man went and actually PICKED the heels. The... women's shoes.
But why?
 |
| Did no one question why he PICKED the heels to wear? And why he did it so confidently? That's not a "talent" you really boast about. |
I know you're all wondering, "what would you do if you had to be up there, Jeremy?" Well, from what I saw, I'd grab the guitar. Since I'm a guitar hero now, I can play a couple songs. And believe it or not, I can carry a tune when singing. I'm no American Idol, but at the very least, I'm decent.
Man, these rapid fire questions are kind of... serious. I'm sure you guys have seen Miss Utah from the Miss USA pageant already. But I can totally understand that happening. They ask some serious questions.
8:29 PM- There are so many things happening right now and I can't keep up. Just know I'm questioned and laughing throughout the entire segment.
[commercial]
8:33 PM- It's pageant time! Have to admit, I'm slightly interested in seeing some of this. I really hope it's not as lame as I initially think it will be.
They got 2013 Miss America and the mayor to help judge. I hope they paid them.
 |
| Question: Y'all get paid to come do this for the show? Next question: What race is the mayor? |
They're getting the rapid fire questions first. Most of the questions weren't too hard... however, Mikey... let's just say he bombed.
 |
| Oh, Mikey... |
Talent portion - well, they aren't terrible. But um... dude in the heels... that was just ridiculous.
Tap dancing guy and guitar guy actually had talent.
8:40 PM- Swimsuit competition... yeah...
 |
| There she iiiiiisss, Miss Americaaaaaaaaaaaa... |
I'm glad they sped this up because I'm done with this now. Anyway, 3rd place went to Brookes (I thought he'd at least get 2nd). 2nd place went to Zac W. And the winner is Casey. He was the tap dancer, right?
Glad that's over.
Oh snap, Captain America said he might not accept the rose if offered. We'll see how much truth is in that teaser.
[commercial]
8:47 PM- Night portion of the group date.
Ok, so the dude that wore heels also writes poetry. I have an appreciation for poets because to me and in my head... they're rappers.
8:50 PM- took a little while, but we finally have our latest whining about Ben.
8:52 PM - umm... my man is just chillin' back at the hotel by himself. I get it, you're just relaxing by yourself but did we REALLY need to see him eating chocolate covered strawberries in the bubble bath? I tell ya, these guys are just DESTROYING any of those stereotypical walls that may have been built up about men.
 |
| Really, dude? Also, I don't know if I blame him or ABC for this shot. I guess he brought this upon himself though. |
Ah man... Captain America didn't even get any 1-on-1 time to talk?! I see why he was talking about wanting to stay. However, it didn't look like he was trying THAT hard to go talk to her.
[commercial]
9:00 PM- So it's time for James' 1-on-1 date and they're uh... touring some of the areas that were damaged by hurricane Sandy. That was a terrible storm and really ruined some lives but on the Bachelorette... that ain't the time and place for a serious tour like this. This entire date is just sad.
I guess this is a good reminder to the rest of the country that people are still struggling and still trying to rebuild from that storm.
[commercial: I can't believe how... massive bullying has become. Was it this bad when I was a kid and I just didn't realize it?]
9:08 PM- We're back on the depressing date. I'm glad James had his little "me time" night prior to this because I KNOW he wasn't expecting this for a date.
I feel like it may be coming across that I have zero sympathy for hurricane victims. Let's clear that up - I do. I think I do feel a little... different than some though because I've been through plenty of hurricanes. Thank God my family has never had to experience damage like this couple they're talking to, but we had to prepare and live through hurricanes every year. It's just something you deal with. Every part of the country has some sort of nature related disaster people have to deal with, but part of me feels like hurricane damage in the South doesn't get as much national recognition as stuff in other parts of the country. Social Media has definitely helped changed that since anyone anywhere can send out some info to the world. But yeah, it seemed like it took Kanye calling then President Bush racist for some real relief action to get going.
I'm done with my little rant.
[commercial]
9:20 PM- We're back on James' 1-on-1 date and... we're watching the old couple do the date instead. I get it, that was sweet and all but I don't wanna see this on the Bachelorette.
 |
| After she said that you could totally tell he was saying to himself, "yup... I still got it." I see you, playa. |
Guys, I'm done with this episode.
Oh wait, not done yet because James is about to tell Dez he cheated on some former girlfriend.
Ah man... he cheated on his girl freshman year of college?! Maaaaaaaaaaaaan... I'm done with this episode again.
This has been the longest date... ever. (oh, that's cool they re-made their photo album. Ok, back to being done with this.)
Oh snap... I totally stopped paying attention. Think I missed a commercial break... anyway, this is crazy. They have probably the most famous person to give one of these private concerts (Hootie!) and the old couple is dancing to it. Man, if I was Hootie... somebody would have some 'splaining to do!
Oh, ok... Hootie is doing another song and the old people left (probably way past their bedtime) so Dez and James get to do some alone time dancing.
I tell ya - that was the longest date I've ever had to sit through.
[commercial]
I should update you guys - that storm was just a big tease. No damage and the DirecTV stayed on so we're good.
9:40 PM- Rose ceremony time. Captain America said he ain't so sure about accepting that rose tonight. EVERYTHING inside of me wants her to offer him a rose at the rose ceremony and he says no. That's what I need right now.
9:45 PM- Capt. America is finally talk to Dez. Seems like she wants him around and has talked him off the ledge a bit. With that said, she BETTER give him a rose. He's still kinda talking like he may leave, but she has to at least offer him a rose to stay since she said she wanted him to stick around. So yeah, if anything, he should feel like he's totally getting a rose.
[commercial]
9:51 PM- Ok, let's hand out some roses.
Blah, blah, blah... Dez, get on with it. I think I'm ready for bed.
Chris aka 'friend zone' gets the first rose. Next up, Brookes. He seems to be a contender. Thinking he'll be there a while.
Juan Pablo gets a rose and he was BARELY in this episode. My man.
Drew gets the next rose. He looks like a Tommy Hilfiger model.
 |
| CLEARLY this guy could totally be a model for Hilfiger. |
Michael, Ben, Casey get a rose.
Oh snap... Captain America gets called for the next rose... haha, there was a long pause. He just stood there. Made that nice and dramatic. And he could've done it! He could've said no and had an epic moment in Bachelor history! But no... he accepted the rose.
Down the final rose and it goes to... Mikey! Which means that guy I... don't really recognize is going home. Crap, I turned away and missed his name again... oh well.
Ok, rose ceremony is over and it's time to relocate. Next up... GERMANY! Everyone left has made it to the real traveling portion of the season!
Hey, those teasers for the next episode look interesting. I hope someone fights.
Ok guys, I'm going to watch 'Mistresses' until first commercial break and then it's bed time! See ya next week!
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